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“I would say that then I didn’t know the difference. And really, for me there was no practical difference. He was stability in a way that I’d never experienced before. He’s still the longest relationship I’ve ever had. I mean, except for Benny now. But the years that I had with Carter...outstrip any family, any parental figure, anything. So yeah. For me... There wasn’t really a difference. Love and gratitude were mixed. And he gave me Benny. So I suppose the feelings that I have for him now are a lot the same as they always were. Except he bugs me. Like, bugs the hell out of me. And I’m okay admitting that now.”
“Did he bug you then?”
“No, actually.” She shook her head. “It’s amazing how much more annoying someone is after they abandon you.”
“What about this tree?” Benny shouted from way up ahead on the trail, pointing dramatically at a massive pine tree.
“That’s too big,” she said.
“It doesn’t look big.”
“It is,” Brody said. “Let me show you.” He walked up to where Benny was and stood next to the tree, which went a couple of feet over his head. “I’m six foot three, kiddo. Your ceilings are probably seven feet tall. And that tree has to be nine feet.”
“Oh.”
“They look smaller because they’re outside surrounded by trees that are twenty and thirty and fifty feet tall. It’s deceptive.”
“What about that one?”
Benny pointed ahead at a smaller tree off the trail that was in a little clearing.
“That’s great,” Brody said.
He walked up with the hatchet.
“Give me an assist, Ben.”
Benny looked delighted.
And suddenly she was just a whole jumble of feelings. Watching Brody show Benny how to cut down the Christmas tree.
She knew that she would work here for... Well, she didn’t even know how long she would work here for. Hopefully, years. Maybe Brody would be in Benny’s life all that time. She hated the idea of Benny losing this. It was funny, because Brody definitely didn’t seem like the kind of guy who had set out to become any kind of father figure.
And even thinking it made her feel uncomfortable.
But she felt like he had taught Benny more lessons in the last week and a half than Carter had taught Benny in eight years.
They brought the tree down with ease, and Brody hefted it up over his shoulder, the movement fluid, drawing her attention to his muscles.
Damn, his muscles. And now she had seen them without clothes on at all, and she was even more into him.
Grateful or in love?
It was funny, because she didn’t just feel gratitude for Brody. She felt like she had been entitled to what happened between them. Which was different because with Carter she had felt like she owed him. Everything had been mixed-up and messed up because she didn’t have a good relationship, a healthy relationship with her own self.
“All right, you have to help me carry it,” Brody said, gesturing toward the top end of the tree, which was still on the ground.
Benny went around to the other end, and picked it up, though it was clear to Elizabeth that Brody was doing the heavy lifting.
“Do you need help?” she asked from her position on the trail.
“Absolutely not.”
“Are you trying to spare me heavy lifting because I’m a woman?” She was asking just to see what he would say.
“No. We’re doing it because you do enough for everybody else.”
It had been worth it. Worth that reaction.
