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“Deimos,” Felix shot back, his voice small and so tender it almost physically hurt. He surged in and pressed his lips to the corner of Dei’s mouth. “Let’s go home, okay?”
Dei curled his fingers into the back of Felix’s hair and held him there. “Just do me one favor.”
“Anything,” Felix promised.
“Don’t let me push you away. I have no idea how bad this is going to get for me. This is something I’ve known was comin’ for a long damn time, but in the end, I don’t know if I’m gonna lose it a little.”
“Okay,” Felix whispered.
Dei moved his hand down to the back of Felix’s neck and stroked absent lines over his warm skin. “The last thing in the world I want is for my earth to be scorched when this fire passes. So please, just…please don’t run.”
“I’m not going anywhere,” Felix vowed fiercely, and while Dei was petrified that Felix didn’t know what he was getting into, he wasn’t willing to let him take it back.
* * *
There was a particular kindness about the men from the tattoo shop that surprised Dei, even after knowing them for as long as he had now. Paris picked them up from the airport and was quiet the entire drive back to their street, doing little more than offering a fist bump when Dei climbed out of the truck and grabbed his bags from the back.
He waited on the sidewalk as Paris and Felix talked for a few, and then Felix got out and walked Dei to the door.
For a brief moment, Dei was petrified Felix was going to invite himself in. The last thing in the world Dei wanted was to sleep alone, but he needed some space to let himself fall apart. There would come a time that Felix would see him at his worst and at his most vulnerable, but he wasn’t ready for that yet.
But instead, Felix just leaned against the side of the truck and tugged Dei in for the softest, sweetest kiss that made Dei regret his need to be by himself. “You know where I’ll be if you need me,” Felix murmured against his lips. “Promise you’ll call if you do.”
“Sweetness, I just don’t know if I’m gonna be in the right headspace for—”
“No,” Felix interrupted. He leaned back and held Dei by the chin in the same way Dei often did to him. “If you need me. That’s all I’m asking.”
Oh. Oh. He understood. He let his eyelids fall shut as he surged in for a second kiss and breathed in the scent of Felix until it felt imprinted on his soul. “It won’t be forever, darlin’.”
“I know. Because you made me promise not to let you go,” Felix said with a tiny smile.
It took every ounce of his control to pull his hand back, but eventually, Dei stepped far enough away that Felix could move around him, and he got back into the truck. Paris gave him a quick salute, then took off down the driveway, and it was clear they weren’t going to the house. Felix disappeared out onto the main road, and then Dei was alone.
The feeling was a heavy weight in the center of his chest, and the inside of his place felt cavernous in the strangest way. It was clean, so there was nothing to do, and after five minutes of just standing in the middle of his living room, he grabbed his cane and walked back outside, got into his truck, and took off.
It was absolutely no surprise when he found himself parked out front of his mom’s care facility, and it was also no surprise when it took him twenty minutes to find the strength to turn off the engine and get out of the truck. He leaned heavily on his cane, his knee weak and both hips plagued with a sort of trembling sensation like they might give out at any time.
He was pretty sure the staff there were used to people falling apart for one reason or another. He just never expected to be one of them. His heart was beating in his throat when he walked through the front doors, and there was a look of pity on the receptionist’s face when she saw him.
“She’s in her room. You can head in,” she said softly.
Dei tried to breathe through the bizarre fog that had settled in his lungs, and he forced himself to cough a few times to loosen it all up. The door was mostly shut, so he peered around the corner and turned his head so he could see where her bed was. They’d moved it further away from the window, and while she wasn’t on any monitors, it felt far more like a hospital room now than it did before.
Dei shut the door behind him, then walked in and saw her dark, grey-streaked hair fanned out over her pillow. She looked thinner, which was ridiculous since he’d only been gone a couple of days, but it was also the first time he hadn’t seen her for any stretch of time.
It felt like no time at all had passed, and it also felt like he’d lost a hundred years.
Dei grabbed one of the chairs that was pushed up against the wall and dragged it to her bedside. She hadn’t moved since he’d gotten in, and he wasn’t sure she was going to wake up for him. Not that it mattered. Her body was limp except for her hands, which were curled into tight fists, and her breathing was a little shallow, probably from the pneumonia.
“Hi, Momma,” he murmured. He set his cane to the side as he sat, then curled his big hand around her tiny fist. Her skin felt papery and her knuckles too bony—nothing like the strong woman who had been able to pick him up with one arm and haul her around on her hip. “I’m back.”
He watched her nose twitch, but he didn’t think that meant much.
“I was in California, and I can’t even tell you how beautiful it was there. The water there was real cold, and the smell of the sea stuck to everything. You’d’a loved it.” He stroked his thumb over her wrist. “I’m hoping I can bring Felix in to meet you too. I, uh…I really like him, Momma. I was fixin’ to spend the rest of my life alone with some good friends and maybe a cat later on down the road, but he came in like a damn tornado and turned everything upside down. You’d like him too. He’s real sweet and real funny.”
She was too still, and he checked her breathing before going on.
“I haven’t thought much about a future since I lost a bunch of my body, but now I’m hearin’ wedding bells, and that’s…strange. Last thing I wanna do is get married without you here, but you’re not givin’ me much choice, are you?” His throat went thick and hot, and he had to stop because he wasn’t going to lose it here.
