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His gaze was fixed on her. “Why? You’re young, beautiful, and full of promise. No man in his right mind would be able to resist you.”
She laughed like this was funny. When he didn’t, she shook her head. “You’re serious.” He raised an eyebrow. “You probably don’t know this because you’ve been alone for a long time, but women like me aren’t popular anymore.”
“Women like you?”
“Opinionated, argumentative, too individualistic to harmonize with anyone, too messed up to care, too independent to put on an act, too honest to tell sweet lies—”
He pressed a finger on her lips. Felix didn’t know what had prompted the sudden reaction. He didn’t want her talking bad about herself. Shocked by the intimate gesture, her words died.
“None of those are unattractive qualities.” His voice was thick. “I wouldn’t want you to be anything other than yourself.”
Warm breath leaked out of her slightly parted mouth. He felt her soft lips on his fingers and soaked up the sensation. In his mind’s eye, he inserted the finger into her mouth and she closed her dark pink lips around it and sucked. Violently, Felix dropped his hand.
“You’re in the minority. Other people prefer someone more agreeable.” She recovered quickly, but didn’t meet his eye. “Someone with no darkness in them. Much easier to deal with it that way.”
“A lot of people want fake pleasantries because they’re afraid of feeling anything real.”
Was he one of them? Was he resisting her because he didn’t want to feel anything intense or overwhelming? No, it was because he was unfit for her. He didn’t want to limit her possibilities. What could someone like him offer her?
“Feeling intimidated, you mean.”
“Feeling less than, worthless, empty. Because when you start lying to yourself, that’s what you become.” The words pulsed in his heart. A sheen of something moist covered Amara’s eyes. Before he could blink, a tear rolled down her eye.
She turned away, furiously brushing it away. “Sorry, I’m not myself these days.” Knuckles pressed to her cheek, she faced the wall. “Thank you for being nice to me.”
“I’m not being nice,” he said. “I’m being honest.”
“Then, thank you for being honest. You know, this is why I liked Mr. Garett,” she said. “He’d always say nice things, no matter how annoying I was.”
“You aren’t annoying, Amara,” he said. Then, after a pause, “You’re trying to be yourself in a world that wants you to be something else.” She spun. Her lips parted in question, but she didn’t voice it. “You’re fighting for the right to feel the things you feel. You have the right to be selfish, needy, and inconvenient sometimes.”
Amara blinked. “That’s deep.”
He cleared his throat. “I don’t know where that came from. Well, we should get going. I’m done here. Let’s get to work before someone looking for our bodies.”
Felix started speed walking.
She followed on his heels. After locking up the house, they walked to the office. Neither of them spoke on the way, but he could feel the heat of her gaze. He wondered if it would always be this uncomfortable. Felix wanted to believe nothing had changed since he’d found out she was his pen pal. There was no more clinging to that delusion. Things had definitely changed. The spark of attraction that had taken hold in his heart was burgeoning. If he was lucky, he’d be able to stop it before it got out of control. If he wasn’t…well, it’d burn down everything familiar.
Six
Amara
Amara needed to keep her eyes on her report, or she’d get a crick in her neck from staring at Felix’s office. She’d left him an hour ago, ensconced in his old desk at the Inferno City branch of the Sapphire Serpents. She’d spent all morning writing her report and was eager to hear his feedback on it before she took a lunch break. But that wasn’t the reason she was staring at his door.
After visiting his old house last night, she’d replayed his words in her head. Amara was sure there was something between them. She couldn’t be the only one who felt the sexual tension licking the air. Felix hadn’t brought up the scene at Sazan’s house, but she was sure it had affected him. The cold, professional equation between them had changed.
I wouldn’t want you to be anything other than yourself.
When a group of spies left for lunch, she pushed her chair back and stood, marching to Felix’s room. She knocked before entering.
“Amara.” Felix looked up from what he was reading, removing his spectacles. “I was just reading your report.”
His silver gaze was on her, making her knees weak. His gray hair was messy, his first three shirt buttons open loosened to reveal the hard planes of his chest, dark hair peeking out from beneath the surface. Spots of salt and pepper stubble appeared on his jaw. The warm weather did nothing but fan the flames of her one-sided lust.
“Good afternoon, sir. I was wondering if I could go for lunch. If you have any suggestions for me, I’d like to fix my report before I go.” It was the last thing she wanted to say. But she couldn’t voice her real feelings now, could she?
I’ve been thinking of you. Do you want to have an affair with me?
