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Just up and left without another word after that night at the Saltwater Skulls show, to follow a different band for years despite my devastated, naïve heart, only to show back up again and treat my heart—my body—even worse.
Not even my dad knows the whole truth.
Or Aria.
No one does.
Except the therapist my dad made me see.
So why does each step away from Fin, where he trails farther and farther behind, feel like I’m walking through solidifying concrete? Concrete that makes me wanna turn around and tell him the truth of it all. Like maybe breathing the words will take this ache from my chest.
He’d never look at me the same.
My boots get heavier to move with each pass of my feet and my chest caves with the weight of the truth that I know will send any rational man packing. Running for the hills. Screaming and yelling for anyone in the vicinity to stay far away from Cedar Jones.
Damaged goods.
Incapable of healing.
Broken.
Unworthy of anyone.
Finland Montgomery is legendary.
I am just ordinary.
All of the things I’ve already been called by the one I thought I loved. Thought I trusted.
Disgusting.
A freak.
All because I asked to try something … different.
None of the other guys I’ve slept with since have had an issue with … different-ish. Not that I really gave any of them those parts of me, the ones that Jeremy soiled.
God, my brains are fucking scrambled.
So scrambled that I go against my instincts that have managed to keep me alive so far with everyone at a distance and halt at the threshold between the main entry and the venue. I spin to find Fin standing several feet back, granting me the space I was all but demanding, his jaw ticking and his hands shoved in his pockets.
His gaze is darkened by the night, with anger I can feel radiating off of him despite the distance, though I still want to run to him.
I don’t.
Because cement shoes.
But I want to. Straight into his arms where I can pretend like the rest of it doesn’t exist. Make believe that I’m normal and this is possible.
Would he even accept me? If he knew the truth?
“What did you mean when you said, ‘you don’t want to’?” I call across the distance as my feet decide they aren’t so heavy after all, and I take a tentative step in Fin’s direction.
“I don’t wanna leave you alone, Cedar,” he returns strongly.
“Yeah, you said that.” I take another step. “But what does it mean?”
“It means that you’re a pain in my ass.”
