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“I won’t lie. It can go either way and juries are very unpredictable.” I run a hand over my face. “My job is to prove that the amount of force he used was equal to that used by Mr. Davis, and that he had no other choice but to act to save his life. However, we have to focus on one thing at a time. He’s got arraignment tomorrow. Then comes the grand jury at some point after. You all should be prepared for the fact that he won’t get bail.”
That’s when I sit, or more like drop down, right on the floor. No bail means he’ll be stuck in jail until trial, which can take months, and for the entire duration of the case. I shake my head in disbelief and anger.
This is all too much. Why didn’t I just tell the truth when I had the chance? Why had I let him rope me into this damn story? The mess we've created is far greater than the one we would be in had we simply told the truth. I know that now. If I decide to tell the truth, who’s to say the prosecution would even believe me, and even if they do, we lied. There’s a price to pay for that, for the both of us.
Mr. Fields stands, picking up his black messenger bag. “I’ll keep you all informed of any new developments. Stay positive.” I just continue to sit there, refusing to say a word.
After he’s gone, Lexi sits next to me, her arms wrap around my back as she leans her head against my shoulder. “I love you.” That’s all she says and that’s all I need. The last thing I want is for anyone to tell me everything will be okay because no one knows that. Life has no guarantees and neither do trials. Innocent people go to prison all the time.
* * *
“Mom, I don’t want you to lose your job. You don’t have to come. Just wait for the trial,” I urge her, gripping the phone tightly against my ear while lying in Damian’s bed wearing one of his shirts. The woodsy smell of his cologne only makes my heart miss him more. My throat aches and I swallow it away.
I’m still staying at his place and I plan to for as long as I can. I refuse to go back to mine even after the cleaning crew Gabe and Jax hired is done. I don’t care if they will make my home look like nothing happened, I won’t step foot inside. The thought of ever walking inside there again makes me ill.
“Honey, I can’t just leave you by yourself. I’m coming tomorrow.” Her voice is full of anguish.
“Lexi’s staying with me today, so I’m not alone, and Damian’s friends are always around too.” Of course I want her to be here but there’s nothing she can do except worry.
“Oh baby,” she cries again, “I can’t believe any of this. When Lexi called me I—my mind went to the worst scenario. Oh Lilah, I thought I lost you again.” She blows her nose before continuing. “I feel so awful for Damian. That poor boy. I know we shouldn’t speak ill of the dead but I don’t care. I hate Ash’s guts.”So do I.That monster doesn't deserve anyone’s sympathy. Even in death he found a way to screw me and those I love.Rot in hell!
My mom has no idea I’m the one who killed Ash. I decided not to tell her because it would serve no purpose other than to make her more stressed out. I’m barely tolerating my own anxiety; I can't handle anyone else’s. “I know, Mom. I just hope there is a Hell and I hope he’s suffering,” I grind my teeth, my jaw rattling from the force. She lets out a hard sigh. “Me too baby, me too.”
I look up at the ceiling and close my eyes, recalling the short while ago when we were here, happy together on his bed. What I wouldn’t do to go back to that, but instead we’re stuck in a grim reality where nothing seems to go right. It’s as though we’re cursed.
“Once my schedule clears up a little in a few days, I’m going to come down to see you, okay? You’re my baby. I want to be there.” A deep ache starts behind my eyes, filling them with tears just begging to get out.
She sniffles, while I clear my throat trying to push down my emotions, so she doesn’t know how badly I’m truly doing. “I love you too, Mom.” I feel her love without needing to hear the words, because her love is there even when it isn’t spoken.
“I love you, sweetheart. You call me with any news. I don’t care what time it is. You hear?”
“Of course. And if I don’t youknowLexi will.” She laughs, knowing all too well. My mom adores Lexi. Those two will sometimes chat when I’m not even home. And when Mom can’t find out stuff about my life, Lexi will fill her in just enough without revealing things she knows she can’t. They’re both so important to me, I’m glad they love each other as much as I love them.
“Okay honey, I’ll let you go get some rest. Call me tomorrow.”
“I will. Goodnight, Ma.”
“Goodnight.” I toss and turn, unable to relax, dreading tomorrow’s arraignment, but at the same time wanting to see him, even if we can’t touch, even if he can’t hold me, even if my heart will shatter.
Chapter 29
Lilah
As I face the large, white building of the courthouse, I feel nothing but a deep wave of dread and guilt attempting to claw its way out. Today is one day closer to him going to prison, one day closer to being separated, one day closer to tomorrows that’ll never be. A soft hand clasps mine suspending my bitter thoughts. I look up at Lexi as her eyes reflect the direness of the situation.
“Are you ready?” she asks.
I brush a hand against my black trousers and take a deep breath. “I’ll never be ready, but let’s go anyway.” We make our way up, our heels clacking against the stone steps. Opening the heavy, imposing doors, we pass through security who point us to the direction of the courtroom. We enter the room, filled with row after row of brown benches and anxious looking people. Jax and Gabe spot us walking toward them as they sit in the back row, and we settle next to them.
The arraignment of other defendants has already begun. A stern middle-aged judge sets bail for a man probably no older than twenty. I look at the other four defendants sitting behind a glass cage on the right of the judge, none of whom are Damian.Where are you?Are they treating him okay? Is he in the cell with anyone? I fiddle with my knuckles, fingers weaving in and out in my lap, and my heart? It throbs against its own cage, pushing and demanding to be noticed.
Once the judge is done with that defendant, the court clerk calls the next case. I lean my head back against the wall and close my eyes, ignoring each case that comes after. My mind’s too absorbed in ways I can help Damian. I scratch at the goosebumps on my arms, wishing I had a way of knowing what would happen if I confessed, a way to know the future.
“People versus Prescott,” the clerk calls out, and my body jerks forward, eyes widening as a handcuffed Damian’s dragged to the front like a criminal he isn’t. His eyes roam around the room, probably looking for me. I stand for a second, just enough for him to spot me and when he does, he smiles. I try to smile back but nothing comes out.
The judge looks up, showing no emotion at all as he reads the charges. His voice is dry. He doesn’t care. This is just another case to him, but to us this means everything.He’s innocent! Can’t you see that?I yell to only myself.
Legs crossed, I bounce my foot furiously. My neck aches from the tension as my body grows warm, sweat dripping down my back.
