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“Oh, yeah.” I loop my fingers around the back of his neck and look into his chocolate eyes. “I was a little infatuated and I didn’t even know your name becauseyouwouldn’t give it to me.” He encloses his arms around me.
“I know. I’m sorry I was a major dick to you. It wasn’t because I didn’t like you or didn’t want you around. I was just fucked up back then. I didn’t want anyone to feel sorry for me.”
My heart squeezes inside my chest for the boy who suffered so much. “Oh Damian…”
* * *
DAMIAN
I hear her door open, small steps coming closer as I huddle next to mine, his screams getting louder. “You should go home,” I say without looking up. “Isn’t your mom wondering where you are?”
“I don’t want to go home. When are you going to realize that maybe I want to stay.”
“Don’t you have anything better to do than spend your fucking time with me?”
“You really shouldn’t say bad words. I’m not allowed to say that.”
I look up at her. “Well don’t say it then.”
She rolls her eyes. “Fine.”
“Fine.” She’s so annoying.
We stay silent for a few minutes until she asks, “Can I sit next to you?” I want to say yes, please sit with me. But I don’t.
“I don’t know why you’d want to.” I look back down to the floor.
“Why wouldn’t I want to?”
“Have you met my father? No one talks to me. Even at school they know about him and stay far away from me.”
“Well lucky for you I’m not them.” She plops down beside me. “Everyone needs a friend, even you, and I want to be yours.” She lays her head against my shoulder and holds onto my arm, and for a second, I forget that those sounds coming from inside belong to my mom.
I can’t believe I’m staring at the girl who mattered to me so much growing up. I never felt like I deserved her kindness, so I’d tell her to go, but truly all I wanted was for someone to stay. And she did, she always stayed.
My father scared me more than I like to admit. I felt safer out in that hall more than I ever did hiding in my closet, so when I could get away, I’d sneak out and just sit by the door. The guilt at abandoning my mom ate at me every time, but I still did it. Fear is a powerful emotion.
Lilah was the only bright side in my dark time, and for six months she was there, pushing through my walls, making my heart her home. I guess she never left. And when Mom died and I moved away, I left a piece of myself with her.
I let her go and pick up the bear, clutching it firmly in my hand. “You were the first girl I ever loved.” She leans her head to the side, her brows gathering with emotion. “The only way a fucked-up boy could love a girl, but in my own way I loved you.” I take her hand in mine, leading her to the bed as we both sit.
“Every time you sat with me, every time you talked to me, you stole a piece of my heart and made it yours. But when you gave me this bear, I lost it. No one cared about me but you. I wanted to grab you and tell you what it meant to me, but I refused to let myself appear weak.”
Her fingertips stroke across my cheek. “I’m so sorry for everything you went through. I hated every second of it. I begged my parents to adopt you.”
I chuckle at the thought. “Maybe I should be grateful they didn’t because falling in love with you would’ve been a problem.”
She bites her lip, tugging it between her teeth. “Probably.”
“Come lay with me. I want you close.” Scooting back on the bed, I give her room to join me.
“What happened to you? Where did you guys move to after?” she asks as she lies on my chest, drawing small circles with her fingertips.
“You don’t know?”
She looks up. “Know what?”
“About what my father did?”
