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“I’m not mad,” I cut in. Lifting my hand slowly, I reach for his. He takes it, kissing each one of my fingers. “If it weren’t for you and Logan, I’d probably be dead. You saved me.” He interlaces our hands, holding mine tightly in his.
“Thank you. Thank you for loving my baby,” Mom says, voice shaking, overwhelmed with emotion.
His eyes meet mine and I know we both feel the intensity of our love without needing to utter the words.
“How’s our patient? Any pain?” my doctor asks, standing next to Katie. I hadn’t even heard them come in.
“I’m okay. Probably look a lot worse than I feel. The meds are helping.”
“That’s great. I’m glad to hear that. I need to discuss some personal things with you. Would you like to do that in private?”
I gaze at Damian, still sitting beside me, and back at the doctor. “No, they can stay.”
“Sure. I want to perform an exam to check for a concussion. After that, the rape kit will be administered. Does that sound, okay?”
A shiver runs down my body, wishing there was a way to avoid the intrusive test, but I know I have to do this. “Yes.”
“All right. Let’s get started.” She checks my eye movement and response to light, and then she asks me a bunch of basic questions about myself. During the next phase of testing, my stomach growls. Now that I no longer feel sick, my body’s crying out for some food, but I have no appetite. I just want to go home.
“I don’t see any immediate evidence of a concussion. However, I will give you a list of things to look for once you’re home,” she then says to Damian, “If she experiences any one of them, I want you to call my office.”
Brows pulling together, I glance at him, not understanding why she’d be telling him that.
“Thanks Doctor, I will. Her mom will be staying with her too, so between the both of us she’ll be monitored around the clock.” Mom smiles and nods in agreement. Clearly, I missed a lot.
“The more eyes the better,” Dr. Martinez says. “So, we’re going to ask you all to leave now for the exam. You may wait in the area right outside.”
I look at their solemn faces and force what I believe is a convincing smile. “I’ll be fine. I’ll see you all in a little bit and then you can help me break out of this joint.”
Damian flexes his jaw before coming over and kissing my forehead, his soft lips leaving a tingle before brushing over my ear. “You're so strong, baby. You amaze me.” My throat clenches.Don’t cry. Don’t cry. If he only knew how badly I’m crumbling inside.
As he moves aside, my mom comes forth. “We’ll be right out there if you need us. I love you.” She hugs me tight, my arms enclosing around her too.
I never realized how much I needed her until now. Whenever I had a nightmare as a child, I’d run to her bed and bury myself in her chest, feeling instantly safe, like I was under her protection. It feels that way now.
She stands up, straightening her grey T-shirt and walks out with Damian. Lexi is the last one there. She doesn’t say a word, but her hands over her chest tell me everything I need to know. I bite the inside of my lip to stop the tears burning within. I’m so close to breaking apart, their love and their sadness is permeating my every cell, but I need to keep it together for them.
As soon as they’re all gone, that’s when I collapse. My hands tingle as my chest tightens, making each breath harder to take than the one before.Keep breathing. It’s just a panic attack.The doctor’s warm touch brings me back to reality and as I look into her compassionate eyes, all the agony I was attempting to bury comes retching out. My tears are heavy yet silent, rocking my body as she holds my hand, allowing me to open my soul and feel the pain without worrying about anyone but myself.
After what feels like forever, my body finally stills. I look up at her, taking deep breaths, my heartbeat slowing to normal. “Okay, I’m ready. Do it. Do the exam.”
Chapter 23
Lilah
I’ve always heard that rape victims feel as though they’re being re-victimized when under one of these examinations. They’re not lying. I lay there open, while my most intimate parts are poked and prodded, like I’m some sort of experiment in a lab. My body tenses and I bite my lip, trying to keep my anxiety in check, but nothing I do could ever make this bearable.
“You’re doing great. This next part will feel like a pap smear, and this device right here,” pointing to a large machine with a TV screen attached, “will take photos of inside to document any lesions or bruises.”
“Okay.” I close my eyes at the first bit of pressure, taking slow breaths in an attempt to relax, but it’s impossible. My heart’s pounding against my ribs, threatening to rip out of me.
“You’re doing great,” she says, adding more pressure, and I wince at the burning pain. Just then flashes of that night appear before me. I feel his fist against my cheek, his groans as he invades me, it all comes crashing back. Exhaling in a short series of breaths, I try to squash the panic swelling inside me.
“Almost done.”Not soon enough.
“Please, just hurry.”
“Okay. Done.” I groan as she removes the device out of me. “I’m sorry you had to go through that. I just have one more thing to do.” What else could they possibly want from me?
