Page 35 of Fragile Scars


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I clear my throat as it tightens. “That’s, umm, not what I meant.” A cluster of goosebumps coat every inch of my skin, and as I try to breathe, no air enters my lungs. I try harder until I feel my chest rising with hollow breaths. I sink deeper into the chair wishing I could somehow melt into it and disappear.

“Nothing is ever fucking good enough for you is it, you cunt?” He screams the words loudly, his spit lashing me across the face. My watery eyes enlarge as my body breaks out into a cold sweat.

What have I done?

He backs away just a little. I shrink inward, staring at his black loafers not daring to look at his face, too afraid of what I’ll find.

“Ash, I’m not saying no.” I attempt to clear my parched throat again, trying to get the words out before he loses the tenuous hold on his temper. “I love you. You know I do. I’m just— I’m just saying not right now. That’s all, I promise.”Do I sound believable? Does it even matter at this point?

He untucks his shirt and my pulse quickens. He moves to the back of my chair and I fear I may pass out. I need to figure a way out of this. But before I have a chance to consider my options, he drags the chair forcefully across the floor with me still in it.

“Stop! What are you doing?!” I scream, while holding on, afraid of falling. My heart pounds like a fist inside my chest, the thumping so loud I can hear it like a warning in my ears.

He drops the chair in the middle of the dining room and walks around, encircling me, while I cower in pure terror. “You know, I thought convincing you I began going to therapy would make you more willing to start a life with me, but I now see nothing will. You just don’t want me.” He stands behind me again, smelling the back of my head, inhaling deeply. He wraps a lock of hair around his finger momentarily, before setting it free.

“Yeah, that’s right, you dumb bitch. I never went to therapy.” A cold chill skirts up my spine and I close my eyes as tears fall down my cheeks.I knew it.

“Did you think I’d lower myself to do something like that? As if I’m some loser with issues? I don’t have problems.” His hand touches my neck and I flinch as he slides his fingers up and down the side, probably enjoying the way my pulse thrums frantically.

“You’rethe reason I’m like this. You’ve been a horrible girlfriend for years, always talking to other men, fucking that asshole behind my back! Iknowyou are. You’re gonna pay for all of it.”

I want to run, to scream, but I can’t do anything. The sharp bite of his voice seals off any viable exit. I’m frozen in place, no longer human.

I need you, Damian. I shut my eyes hoping this is just a nightmare. I don’t want to die. Not like this. I want my chance at happiness. I want to live.

Damian. I call to him again, the sound echoing in my brain, summoning him. I see his face, that handsome face smiling at me and it inflicts more tears. They fall silently, each one representing the days I may never get with him.

Still standing behind me, Ash’s hand creeps up the back of my neck until he reaches my hair and he viciously yanks my head back. I stare into his eyes filled with hateful disdain, his pupils dilating like sharp daggers from the anger flowing throughout his body. It’s as though every part of him is a weapon meant to destroy me.

“I know you’re fucking that asshole. Just admit it!” He roars into my face and I try to shake my head, but his grip is tight making my scalp throb. I sob, every word he utters breaking me down a little at a time.

“Did he tell you him and his buddies paid me a visit and threatened me to stay away from you? I know you told him. You’re out to destroy my life, pretending you’re some victim! But. You’re. Not. He’d beat the shit out of you too if he knew what a whore you are.”

I taste every one of his words, feeling their jagged edges cutting into me. “I never slept with him,” I croak out, my neck hurting from being bent in such an awkward position, making it difficult to speak. “I don’t know— why he’d do that. Maybe he saw my throat in passing. I’m—I’m sorry.”

“You think I’m stupid?” he laughs diabolically, “I can’t believe I ever loved you. You disgust me.” Insults fly from his mouth like rocks from an angry horde of people seeking retribution.

“What did you think? You were going to leave me for him? Guess what? You’re not getting a fucking happily ever after.” My eyes widen. What does that mean? What’s he going to do?He lets go of my hair and I hear what I think is him ripping off his shirt behind me.

The next thing I know is the taste of his cologne mixed with my salty tears as he ties his button down around my mouth. I scream and scream while trying to suppress a wave of nausea that hits me.

“Shut up. No one can hear you,” he says calmly as he comes around. But I scream anyway. I scream until I can’t scream anymore, until all that escapes is silence.

Once he’s convinced I’m tightly bound, he grabs a chunk of my hair and without warning, snatches me off the chair. My body hits the floor hard as he drags me across it while I scream again, but all that comes out is a muffled cry. No one’ll hear me as I die.

I’m sorry Mama.

He drops me on the floor like a sack of unwanted junk. My cheek hits the ground as he climbs on top of my back. Fear and panic mingle inside every inch of my body.

He pulls my hair once again, pulling until the back of my head touches his chest. “Does that hurt?” The air stalls in my lungs and I try to nod, but I can’t move my head. I hope it ends quickly, but I know he’ll kill me slow, enjoying every tear of skin and every drop of blood.

“How about this?” I don’t even have a second to register what he just said before he slams my face onto the cold, hard floor. An explosion of pain shoots from my nose and I taste what I think is blood dripping down my throat.

I can’t breathe! I can’t breathe!

My chest is ablaze. I’m going to drown in my own blood. My nose hurts. I think he broke it. Pushing my face up just an inch brings some air back into my lungs. That’s when I notice the pool of blood on the ground where my nose had been. There’s so much of it but it doesn’t stop, I keep losing more.

His hands grab at my thighs as he lifts my dress and shoves my panties down and off my legs. I know what he’s about to take from me but I’m too worried about dying to care. Grabbing my hair, his voice slithers against my neck. “If you fight me, if you so much as do anything I don’t like, I’m going to make this hurt. So be a good little slut and spread your legs.”

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