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“It’s okay to admit you loved her.”
“I didn’t.”
“You did. I told you last time, I know you well. And maybe if you fix whatever’s holding you back from being with her, you can have her back.”
The only response I give him is the slam of the door as I finally leave.
There’s no room for her when all I know is darkness.
CHAPTER22
LEXI
Why doesn’ttime dwindle away when we’re hurting to help soften the pain? Every minute drags sluggishly, scraping along, yanking my heart across the mud.
It’s been a few days since Jax and I broke up. Can I even really call it a breakup? But at the end of the day, it doesn’t matter what label we stick on it, it was something that meant everything, at least to one of us.
“This would look so good on you!” Lilah exclaims, holding an emerald green cocktail dress.
Lilah’s mother is throwing her a small engagement party in two months, so she dragged me to go dress shopping after work.
“That’s pretty, I’ll try it on.” I grab it and head for the dressing room, taking two other options with me.
I know this was her way of distracting me but all I seem to think about is when I went shopping with Jax. I still have that necklace he gave me, and that engagement ring lays hidden in my underwear drawer.
Tears slice through my eyes, the ache building from the memories, but I choke them down before they overwhelm me. No more crying if I can help it.
I should give him the jewelry back, or better yet maybe I should burn them. He doesn’t deserve any of my good gestures. He can go straight to hell.
“Are you okay in there? I want to see it!”
“Okay, okay, I’m coming out.”
I put my black high-heeled sandals back on and swing the door open.
“Whoa! If I could whistle, I’d be whistling the shit out of you.”
I roll my eyes and give her a strained smile. “That makes absolutely no sense.”
“Whatever biatch, you’re hot.”
“I look fine, don’t make a federal case about it.”
“You look way more than fine. Don’t even try any of the other ones on. This is the one.”
“Aren’t I supposed to be helpingyoufind the dress, since it is your engagement party?”
“I think I like that knee length white one with the lace on the back.”
“The one with your boobs spilling out of it? Oh yeah, that one’s perfect. Poor Damian. He’ll have blue balls all night.” Ugh, here I go again. Mentioning Damian automatically makes me think of Jax. My pulse wreaks havoc within my body at the thought of even seeing him at the party. I have weeks to prepare but that won’t be nearly enough time. How will I pretend I’m fine when I’m not? Will he bring someone? Will I have to watch him kiss another woman? Hold her in his arms? Would he do that to me?
At the thought, nausea swirls unrestrained in my stomach, and heartache that doesn’t want to quit, burns through my body insatiably, taking all the oxygen with it, leaving me lifeless and hollow.
“Okay,” I say, “I’ll get this one.”
“Yay! Hurry up and change so we can grab dinner. I’m starving!”
I nod, quickly closing the door so I could hide the deep-seated ache slicing through my heart and echoing through my body.
