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I figured I’d spend the night with some of my favorite people, followed by an after party with Jax fucking my brains out. You know, the way he’s been doing almost a month now, but he said he didn’t know it was my birthday and had other plans. I didn’t ask what. I’m not his girlfriend, it’s not my business, but there was still a small part of me that wanted to know.
I hate that I’m jealous at the idea of him spending the night with some other woman, even if they don’t have sex. Maybe he met someone he likes more than me, maybe he’ll end this. And if he does, I don’t know what I’ll do.
I strip down and head for the bathroom. Turning on the nozzle, steam rises, swallowing the air around my small bathroom. I bask in the warm fog kissing up my skin. I get inside and the hot water seeps down over my head and down my body in heavy waves. It’s as though I’m under an endless waterfall, beautiful and calming, but it doesn’t last. Like all good things, it comes to an end, just like Jax and I will, eventually.
* * *
“So where are we going exactly?” I ask Lilah who sits beside Damian in the passenger side of his car. “All you said was to dress up, so I came prepared, but a girl needs details. I mean itismy birthday.”
“Oops.” She turns to me. “I guess I forgot to mention that. Sorry, scatterbrain here. The wedding plans are killing me slowly.” I’ve offered to help her but she’s kind of a control freak, preferring to handle all the details on her own. Crazy woman, but the best women are.
“It’s that same lounge we had Damian’s party in,” she continues. “They have a DJ tonight so we can dance while Damian stands bodyguard to make sure no one gets handsy with me. Isn’t that right, future husband?”
“That’s right, wife.” He looks over at her with a smirk.
“Hey, not your wife yet.”
“Semantics. You’ve been my wife since the moment I slipped that ring on your finger.” She kisses him on the cheek and leans her head against his shoulder. He wraps an arm around her protectively and holds her tight.
I simply watch them. It’s as though they’ve just escaped the present and jumped into their own world. Love is all around me, teasing me with its magnificence, yet I’m in the dark, screaming to feel even a fragment of its bright colors again. Real love is magic. It creates this hidden bubble where desire lives, where wounds are healed, and where infinite freedom to be yourself is born from the power of acceptance.
I miss so many parts of being in a relationship. It’s what I yearn for most. I want to create a future that lasts with someone special. I have to believe that one day I’ll have that again, and that this time, it won’t be taken away.
The car comes to a stop and I realize we have arrived. Damian parks in a garage across the street and we get out, heading up to the rooftop.
We enter the elevator as an employee inside hits the button for us. Traveling up in silence, I watch Damian holding Lilah in a tight embrace. They’re so damn cute, if I didn’t love them, I’d vomit.
The elevator doors open and we’re instantly greeted by a hostess. “Good evening, this area is reserved for a private party later tonight, so we’ll take you to the second area right through those doors.” This large room is usually full of people dancing and drinking, so they must be having some party here tonight.
We follow her inside, Lilah and I walking side-by-side with Damian behind us. The hostess opens the door and I take a single step inside the quiet, dimly lit room, aglow with pink and purple LED lighting.That’s weird. Why’s it empty?
“Surprise!” people shout as my breathing stops and my heart climbs out of my throat.What the hell is going on!My hands jump to my chest, trying to still the tremors inside my ribcage. I stare with a mouth wide open, my mind trying to catch up to my raging pulse.
I take a few more steps forward, leading me further into the room. Now that my eyes have adjusted to the lighting, I can see the DJ on the podium, the beautifully decorated room with its hanging crystal chandeliers, and the long table adorned with a floral centerpiece. This is breathtaking. But the biggest surprise, the one that has my eyes flooding with tears now openly spilling down my cheeks, is when I spot my parents and sisters.
I look away, my emotions reaching an unbearable level. I see Lilah grinning through the blanket of my tears. She wipes her eyes and walks up to me, whispering into my ear over the low music that drifts throughout the room. “It was Jax.” My breath halts and I find it difficult to draw air.He did this for me? But why?
I turn back around looking all over the room for him, but he isn’t here. I just want to find him and let him know how much all this means to me. It’s the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for me and I’ll never forget it.
I finally head toward my family and we all embrace in a group hug, with me in the middle. I start to sob. I’m so overwhelmed with how much I’ve missed them all. It’s been almost eight months since I last saw them. “Oh, baby, don’t cry! I’m so glad we were able to surprise you!” Mom consoles me.
“We got her good, didn’t we guys?” Dad adds as they let me go.
“We sure did. I recorded it by the way,” Vanessa, my younger sister, admits.
“The look on your face was priceless!” Amber, my middle sister, adds.
“You better not add that shit to Instagram,” I warn Vanessa. “I’ll kill you!” She’s Insta famous for her photography skills and I don’t need all her five thousand followers seeing me cry.
“I promise.” She sneers, crossing her fingers. Glaring, I snatch away her phone. “Oh my God, don’t delete it!” she begs.
I don’t have any plans to do that, I only want to mess with her. I don’t respond, unlocking her phone with just a slide of a finger. Who doesn’t have password protection these days? “You have to swear you won’t post it or I’ll delete all your pictures from the cloud. Don’t mess with this sista.”
“You’re evil!” I arch a brow and pretend to press a button. She raises her hands in defeat. “Fine, Fine, I won’t! I swear this time. Now give me back my phone!”
I hand it over and she breathes a dramatic sigh of relief. My parents find our exchange comical, laughing away.
I look over at them and shake my head. “I can’t believe you two are such good liars by the way! I’m going back in time and re-examining everything you two have ever said to me.” They both shrug nonchalantly, grinning like school-aged kids caught doing something naughty.
