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“Every time I swing by the apartment for a change of clothes, some member of my family makes sure to ask how my girlfriend is.” Apparently, Colm wasn’t finished making his case. Typical.
She sighed. “I shouldn’t have let things go this far.”
Colm reached for her hand. “I know what you want, sweetheart. I know you’re worried about losing more time, time you need to get what you want, but can’t you give us just a little bit more?”
“How much more, Colm? My chances of conceiving after my next birthday go down to something like twelve percent. Plus, the risk of birth defects and miscarriages increase. I don’t have more time.”
They hadn’t talked about her desire to have a baby since Halloween. He’d mentioned it briefly after the football game a few weeks earlier, but she’d dismissed it out of hand. After that, they just let themselves fall into this relationship—keeping it all surface-y, easy, only paying attention to the fun stuff, while pushing reality away.
He reached out and took her hand, giving it a gentle squeeze. “I get it.”
She shook her head. “No. I don’t think you do. I was an only child, Colm, and it sucked. I always wanted what you and Paddy had. A sibling, someone to play with, fight with. This isn’t going to be a one-time thing for me. I need enough time…”
“To do it twice.”
She smiled sadly. “A family of my own. I want it so badly. I ache for it. And I’m not going to be an overbearing mom, like mine is. My kids are going to pick out their own clothes when they’re little, even if they don’t match. They can put all those ridiculous colors in their hair in high school. I’m not putting up a stupid daily chore chart or badgering their poor teachers when they don’t get the lead in the play or an A on an essay or—”
Colm tugged on her hand, pulling her close enough that he could wrap his arm around her shoulder and place a kiss on top of her head. “You’re going to be an awesome mom. And I know Barb was a bit much…”
Kelli lifted her head and narrowed her eyes. “A bit?”
“But you realize all that overprotectiveness was done out of love, right?”
“Of course I do.”
“Although I do think you’re right to dial it all back a notch or thirty. Remember that time she made Miss Rivers cry when you didn’t get the solo in ‘Time to Say Goodbye’ in our choral concert?”
“Oh my God. Poor Miss Rivers. I felt so bad for her.”
She and Colm laughed at the memory.
Colm sobered up first. “So, more time is out of the question.”
He hadn’t posed that like a question, but she nodded just the same.
“Fine. Call Robbie and tell him no thanks. We’ll stop using the condoms and—”
“Oh my God, no. Please stop right there, Colm. I can’t…we can’t…”
It was never a great idea to tell Colm he couldn’t do something, and she realized her mistake the second she saw the set of his jaw. He was stubborn and tenacious when he got something in his head. It was why he was a great lawyer.
She needed to cut him off at the pass. “Think about it,” she continued quickly. “We’re at the beginning of this…”
“Relationship,” he supplied.
She might not want to say it, but that didn’t change what it was.
“Fine. Relationship,” she conceded. “This is the honeymoon phase. All lust and fun. You and I have both been here about a million times.”
“No, we haven’t.”
She considered that. Considered the last few weeks with Colm. He was right again. Neither of them had ever gotten quite this far. Their past relationships had never moved from dating and the occasional overnights to instant shacking up, which was definitely what this felt like.
“Okay,” she said, trying to find her next argument. “Regardless of that, we both know lust fades. And the next phase is the one where someone walks away.”
“I’m not walking away, Kelli.”
“Everyone walks away, Colm.”
