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“Don’t you think I deserve an explanation?”
He does, but if I give it now, I think I’ll shatter.
“I’m sorry. I just can’t stay here anymore.”
His hands fly around my waist, stilling me as I try to skirt around him.
“Cole, let me go,” I choke out. My throat feels so raw it’s painful to even speak.
“I can’t do that. I won’t do that.”
What?
“If I let you go, you’ll disappear.”
I struggle against him again, but he only holds me tighter. “That’s what I need to do! I need to take Zander and disappear. It’s better to end this now before it hurts even more later. We both got what we wanted out of this.”
The minute I say the words I almost regret them because Cole looks like he’s about to shatter. There’s a swirling storm of misery in his deep blue ocean eyes. There’s shock and heartbreak written all over his face like I’ve hurt him so deeply he’s momentarily stunned.
But that can’t be...
He shakes his head slowly. “You don’t get to do this Zoe. Rip apart our family.”
I gaze at him incredulously. “There is no our family Cole. There’s just Zander and me. We both agreed to the terms. You’d help me with CPS and I’d help you with the land. You heard Buckee tonight, he’s given you the land, and CPS has closed my investigation. So it’s all over now.”
“Nothing’s over and you know it. If it was, you wouldn’t have been purring against me in those fields just an hour ago.”
I look away. “That was purely physical. Just sex. That’s it.” But I can’t even meet his eyes as I say it because it wasn’t just sex. Not to me. That moment is engraved on my soul. But does he feel the same way?
“Just sex?” he repeats and his grasp loosens enough for me to get away from him.
I cross the room to the dresser and grab more of my clothes but before I can toss them into the bag, he grabs the duffel bag from the floor and tosses it across the bed where it lands with a thud. Panties and bra spring out, tumbling to the floor.
I swallow, not daring to reach for them and get within his arms reach. Not because I think he’ll hurt me, but because I know there’s no way I’ll get out of them again.
“Just sex?” he asks again.
“We both know that,” I say, lifting my chin, daring to lie. “I thought I could do it okay? I thought I could do this.”
“What’s this?”
“This,” I gesture all around the room and then between us. “This fake stuff. I thought I could keep everything separate. I thought I could fake it but I can’t.” My voice cracks as I try to hold in the tears. I keep sniffling to try to hold them back. I wring the pair of jeans I’m still holding between my fists. “I can’t do it the way you can. I can’t keep my heart out of it... I can’t separate it from my body. I can’t just have fun like that and relax knowing the inevitable. And now that Buckee’s given you the papers, it’s time I step away.”
“Is that what you think I was doing after all this time?”
I try to walk around the bed to the duffel but Cole gets in my way like an impenetrable wall of pure muscle. He holds me by the waist again and I damn near crumble right there and then.
“Having fun with you? Like some little toy?”
My head’s swimming. I can’t think straight when he’s so close.
“Let go of me Cole,” I whisper pleadingly. “I told you we’re leaving.”
The last word snaps something within him and his expression hardens. “Like hell you are.”
I freeze, his sharp words sending a tingle through me I’d never expect. He’s always been so gentle with me. This... this new tone was a side to him I hadn’t experienced, except for when he made love to me, no, fucked me, at the ranch.
I look at his strong hands wrapped around me, at the strength in those veiny, tattooed arms, and for one delirious second I want him to use them to take control of my body like he did earlier. I want him to shove me back onto the bed. Hard.
