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“Is that what you came to tell me? To stop worrying?”
“No. I came to tell you that I spoke to Maddox about an investment property he’d asked if I wanted to partner up with him on, and I thought it might be something that could work for your office space.”
I tucked my hands in the back pockets of my jeans and shifted on my boots. “Really? That was nice of you.”
He leaned forward, his forehead resting against mine. “Stop acting like you committed a crime. It’s not a big deal.”
“What would Carl think of me?” I asked, and he reared his head back like I’d slapped him.
“What would Carl think of you? The dude is probably banging his girlfriend right now. He told you as much. And weren’t you the one talking a big game about finding yourself a lover? You touched yourself. You didn’t rob a bank. Stop overreacting.”
I looked out toward the doors of the stable with views of the gorgeous mountains. I loved being home. Breathing in the mountain and ocean air. That perfect mix of pine and salt water. Seeing the snowcapped peaks in the distance.
“I was drunk. It was a really stupid thing for me to do.”
“It’s never a bad thing to let yourself feel good. You were having fun. You aren’t dating Carl right now. So what if you have a good time? He’s not worrying about what you think, Miney. You don’t know what’s going to happen, so stop letting what he thinks depict what you do. Do what makes you happy. London was the first time I’ve seen you do that in a long time.”
I cleared my throat. “I guess I’ve just had this vision of who I was going to be in my head for so long. And then I took a risk and accepted that position in London, and it cost me everything that I wanted.”
“I disagree. I think you’ve been so hell-bent on believing that Carl is the only way to have the future you want, that you’ve tried to be who you thinkhewants you to be. And the minute you didn’t do what he wanted, he jumped ship on you. That’s the guy you want to spend your life with?” His words were harsher than usual, and it caught me off guard.
“Says the guy who hasn’t had a relationship that lasted more than a hot second,” I hissed and stormed toward the doors.
I was not going to take relationship advice from Finn Reynolds.
Nor was I going to admit that there was a lot of truth to what he’d said.
He chuckled behind me and wrapped his fingers around my wrist before turning me to face him. My chest bumped into his.
“Don’t compare me to Carl. I’m never going to lie to you, Miney. I’m just calling it as I see it. But I’m not the one who left you when you chased your dreams. Hell, I’ve never left you. Not when you spent months going through chemo treatments. Not when you cried yourself to sleep, thinking it could affect you having kids in the future. Not when I held you when we found out that you’d most likely be fine. Not when you dated that douchesack. Not when you chose to leave your amazing job in the city because he asked you to come back home with him. Not when you went to London. And not when you slipped your hand down your pajama shorts and touched yourself.I don’t fucking leave, Miney. I’m not the one trying to make you into someone you’re not. I’ve always known who you are.” His breaths were coming hard and fast, which was not the norm for Finn. He was a chill guy. He rarely got this worked up. And he was right about every single thing he’d said. He’d been there through it all.
A lump formed in my throat. “I don’t know who I am right now, Finn.”
“Yeah, you do. Stop overthinking it. If he loves you, then he’ll love you even more for being who you are. You don’t want to spend the rest of your life pretending.”
“Says the actor,” I said with a chuckle as I swiped at the tear rolling down my cheek.
“That’s my day job. I don’t hide who I am from the people I love, and you know that. What you see is what you get. I don’t waste my time trying to fit into someone else’s box. And I’ve watched you do it for a long time.” He ran a hand through his hair. “If you want to be with Carl, and you want me to pretend to be your boyfriend to win him back… I’ll do it because I love you. But I won’t watch you beat yourself up for doing things that you want to do. I won’t let you feel guilty about what happened last night. You’re the best fucking person I know. You and Carl are the only ones who don’t see it.”
A few more tears streamed down my face. “I love you, too, Chewy. Thank you for being the best friend I could ever ask for.”
He wrapped his arms around me and hugged me. “That will never change. And if you want to look at my dick again, you just say the word.”
I pulled back as my mouth fell open, and I swatted him on the arm. “That was a one-and-done.”
“All right. But you know I’m not dating anyone right now, so I can’t promise I won’t be in the bathroom doing that every single night from now until we stop fake dating in a few months and I have sex again. So, if you don’t want to see it, I suggest you don’t wander around at night.”
“Every night, huh? Thanks for the heads-up.” I looped my hand through his arm as we walked out of the barn toward the house.
“Damn straight, woman. Now, let’s go check out this office space so you can get things going.”
I wasn’t sure how I’d gotten so lucky to call Finn Reynolds my best friend.
But there’d never been a day that I hadn’t known how lucky I was.
Because even when I felt lost… he always felt like home.
eleven
