Page 18 of Losing The Vampire King
The animal inside of me is going mad. Stark raving mad. I can’t control it any longer.
“Get... away…” I manage to muster through clenched teeth, feeling my entire body crack under the pressure of the change that was about to happen. I know it is just a matter of seconds.
“You won’t push me away,” I hear her say boldly.
I want to scream at her that I’m not trying to push her away. I’m trying to protect her, although every part of my conscious mind wants to attack her. It sees her as the enemy.
But no matter how many times I tell her to go away, she keeps coming back. Her hands are again on me, and although I try to regain control of my inner animal, it is getting stronger with each passing second.
I try to release myself from her grip, to run back into the forest, as far away from her as possible, but she won’t let me. Instead, she pushes me against a tree, as if she herself is trying to control me. It is laughable that she would be able to do that, when I myself am barely holding on.
“I don’t… want to hurt you,” I muster through clenched teeth, as my fingers are already curled into fists.
Her hands are on my shoulders. I could easily push her away. I could dig my teeth into her. Wait… dig my teeth into her? But… I thought I was with the skin walkers. Why do I have the instinct to sink my teeth into someone? It doesn’t make sense. Only vampires do that.
Once again, that onslaught of pain hits me, only it’s much stronger this time.
“Aaargh!” I shout loudly, unable to hold it in. I need to release this pent up anger, this rage that is threatening to tear me apart from the inside.
“Stay with me!” I keep hearing her voice. “Stay with me! Remember!”
I want to do what she tells me, but there is nothing to remember. My mind is a blank. All I see is rage, this dire need to tear her apart, and I’m afraid that this is exactly what I will do, if I stay here much longer.
I finally manage to free myself from her grip, and I look towards the lake. Maybe if I jump into it, it will cool me down. It might clarify my mind, even for one brief moment, so I can escape from this situation without hurting either of us.
I know it makes little sense, but this is what I do. I start running towards the lake, and I throw myself into its icy embrace. The water washes over me, enveloping me in layers of cold. Shards of pain immediately prick at my mind, but the animal has pulled back. The pain is keeping it at bay. As long as I keep causing myself pain, I will be able to control it, at least partly.
Breathing heavily, I lift myself up from the water.
“Stay there,” I growl at the girl, who obviously wanted to come into the water to jump in with me. “Keep away.”
“Eddie…” Her voice breaks my heart. The fact that this sorrow, this desperation awakens nothing in me almost destroys me completely.
If she were someone important in my life, shouldn’t I remember her? Shouldn’t all this make me remember something… anything?
I wade out of the water, shivering, my teeth chattering. I need to go back where I came from. I am a danger not only to myself, but to others like this. I can’t allow myself to roam the woods freely, like this. Not before I find out who I am and where I came from. Maybe then I would be able to come back to this woman and give her the answers she is looking for. Or perhaps, she is looking for them in a completely wrong place. I don’t know. I don’t know anything right now.
“I just want to hug you,” she says, quivering. “One last time.”
I shake my head at her. “You don’t know what you’re asking.”
“You’re here, because you remember me, don’t you?”
I shake my head at her again. “I don’t know why I’m here.”
“This place called out to you,” she says, spreading her arms wide around her. “You are fighting your own self, your own memory. Just… let it come back to you.”
I take a step back. She doesn’t know what she’s asking of me. If I let go, if I stop controlling the animal, it will completely take over. I won’t be in charge anymore. Who knows what it will do to her. I dare not even think.
No. I can’t let go. I have to stay in control, at least until I am at a safe distance from this place and from her.
At that moment, she uses the fact that my mind is distracted, and she lunges at me. I see something in her hand, like a small container. I have no idea what she’s planning on doing with it. She uses all of her strength to push me back into the water, and I fall down, sprawled. She jumps onto my chest, with her knees on my arms, keeping me pinned with the entire weight of her body.
I watch her tower over me, grabbing my chin with her fingers forcefully.
“Open!” I hear her shout, not understanding what she means by it.
The moment she squeezes my chin harder, I realize she wants me to open my mouth. I clench my teeth as tight as I can, shocked at what’s going on. The animal inside of me is kicking and screaming in protest, and I know it is just a matter of time before it will rise to the surface. If it does, I won’t be able to control anything anymore.
