AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“It’s hard living in the mansion.” Saskia pressed the tines of her fork into her frittata but didn’t take a bite. “I see mom everywhere, even though Shaun has gutted most of the rooms. Every time I turn a corner, I see her spouting orders at the servants, demanding perfection, constantly re-designing everything, spending boatloads of money, and driving dad nuts. But he loved her so he let her do it.”
Leeza reached out, wrapping her fingers around Saskia’s wrist and squeezing. “It’s okay to miss them. They were part of you… part of us… we’ll never really be able to forget them and I’m not sure we should.”
“I hate them though.” The pain in Saskia’s voice tugged at Leeza’s heart. “They caused so much suffering. To Shaun and Jozef, to you, to everyone. I hate them, but I also miss them. I miss walking with dad in his rose garden and I miss the smell of cigar smoke on his clothes when he hugged me goodnight. I even miss how mom would argue with me about my clothes and hair.”
Leeza’s chest constricted as her sister talked. She gripped Saskia’s arm tighter and swallowed to clear her throat. “You miss them because you love them, the same as they loved you. I miss them too.”
“But dad was so hateful to you!” Saskia swiped at the tears trickling down her cheeks.
Leeza sat back in her chair, releasing Saskia’s arm. “I still miss him, and he didn’t always hate me. I don’t think he found out he wasn’t my biological father until shortly before I married Adam.”
“You mean until he forced you to marry Adam.”
Leeza smiled gently. “I bear some responsibility, Saskia. I was there and I said yes.”
“He didn’t give you a choice.”
Saskia’s unflinching sense of justice warmed Leeza. “What’s done is done and there’s nothing we can do about it now. What I’m saying is it’s okay to love and hate them. Our relationship with our parents is complicated and believe me, I’m struggling to process everything too. But even that’s okay. We’ll take as much time as we need and feel grief the way we need to feel it in order to heal.”
“When did you become wise?” Saskia asked, pressing her napkin under her eyes.
Leeza laughed at the irony of it being her mother’s therapist who helped pull her through some dark times. “Lots and lots of therapy.” She signaled to the server that she wanted the bill, then said to Saskia, “I have an idea.”
“What?”
“You’ll see.”
Leeza led Saskia to a nearby flower shop where they bought every rose they could get their hands on. Roses were Krystoff’s favourite flower, and he loved every colour. Dasha had loved them too and had often themed her parties around them.
Together, Leeza, Saskia and their bodyguards carried armloads of flowers to the Koba mausoleum in the graveyard. The bodyguards set their flowers on the stone floor and stepped outside to give the two women privacy.
Leeza and Saskia were silent as the placed the roses at the base of their parent’s plaques in a way that would have pleased them. Each plaque had a picture of their parent, their full name, and their birth and death date. Krystoff’s read, “Devoted husband, father and uncle,” while Dasha’s read, “Loving wife and mother.”
Leeza stood over Krystoff’s image, searching her heart for forgiveness. He was dead and gone. He couldn’t hurt her anymore.
No. There was none. She still hated him. Maybe she always would. The little girl inside her who’d loved her father, looked up to him and wanted to emulate him, was still devastated that he would be so cruel as to sell her to a monster. She hoped he rotted in hell.
Moving to Dasha’s image, she tried to find it in herself to hate her mother, but she couldn’t manage it. Dasha was complicated. She was terrible, but she was human. She loved her children and did what she could to protect them.
She wanted to forgive Krystoff and couldn’t, and she wanted to hate Dasha, but couldn’t. It seemed her feelings toward her parents were as complicated as when they’d been alive. It didn’t matter though. Both were gone and Leeza was looking to the future.
She touched Saskia’s back where she was crouched on the ground, her face in her hands, her shoulders trembling. “Let’s get out of here.”
She helped her sister stand and kept her arm around her as they wove their way through the graveyard back to the car.
CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN
Havel contemplated the file in front of him. Opening it would violate Leeza in a way she would never forgive if she found out, but not opening it wasn’t an option. If he didn’t find out what she’d discussed with her therapist, he couldn’t protect her.
It was screwed up thinking. He knew it, but at least he was honest enough to admit that he also needed to know for himself. He needed to know the things her husband had done to her, the things she refused to talk to him about.
Doing this, reading her private thoughts. If she found out, it would set their relationship back; maybe even destroy it. She might try to leave him. It would never happen, but he didn’t relish the possibility of keeping her captive if he could avoid it. She was a handful when she was in a good mood, a formidable enemy when things weren’t going her way.
Should he feel guilty? He didn’t know. If there was ever a time in his life that he could feel guilt over his actions, that time had long passed. He had to be a ruthless motherfucker to do the things he did and sleep at night. This was just another day in his life.
He opened the file and began reading.
It took him hours to pour through every page, every word, every session she’d had with her therapist, but he methodically scanned it all before he was satisfied that he had the full picture.
