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And that, Phoebe realized, was why Eliana had sent her to Jacob's house. Because his need to keep himself and his animals safe had created a haven that would do the same for her baby girl.
Annie took a breath and nodded. "I want to brush him," she said, apparently satisfied with the safety discussion and moving on, as kids did. "Show me how," she demanded.
"Of course," Jacob said agreeably.
While Jacob got to work teaching Annie how to brush Freedom, Phoebe stepped away from the stall and looked around the barn. She could see red blinking lights at various intervals along the ceiling. Motion detectors? In the corners were cameras, carefully set to cover every inch, she was certain. Fire-suppressing sprinkler heads lined the ceiling, ready to come on at the first hint of smoke.
A big safe sat along the far wall, its digital dashboard blinking a green light.
The windows had bars on them. The big door was steel, moving on smooth rollers.
It was like they were inside a vault. A spacious, luxurious vault, but a vault nonetheless.
Safe yes, but a way to live? No. As much as she wanted Annie to get a chance to do whatever healing this place would offer her, Phoebe was restless to get away from alarms, bars on windows, and cameras.
She appreciated her little house more than she ever had before. This place had a perfect lawn and almost perfect interiors, but it wasn't alive. She could see now what Jacob had been talking about, that people didn't like his home. It wasn't that it was sparse. It was that it was a prison, designed to keep the world out, but that also kept him trapped inside.
The place was sparkling clean. The hose was rolled neatly. The blankets were hung in almost perfect alignment. "Almost" was the key word. There was an energy to the place of trying to control it and make it safe, but enough things were slightly askew and not perfect that she knew that Jacob wasn't a master at making things this neat. He was trying, but a part of him needed to be freer than he was allowing himself to be.
The realization made her relax slightly. Jacob tried for rigid control in every nuance of his life, but in his heart, there was room for flexibility, disorder, and dirt.
Which was why he'd been able to adapt to them, because they weren't neat. They were pure chaos. Maybe he needed their chaos the way Annie needed his strength and his horses. Maybe they were there to help him break out of the prison he lived in, while Annie learned how to be strong and brave.
But what did Phoebe need?
She looked across the barn and saw Cupcake curled up on a pile of blankets in the corner, clearly tuckered out from all the excitement. Her heart filled with peace. All she needed was her daughter's well-being.
That was it.
Whatever it took. Whatever the cost. Whatever the sacrifice.
CHAPTER SEVEN
What a day.
Jacob needed a ride badly, space, speed, and fresh air to process everything that had happened, including the threesome that was sleeping in his bedroom. But as he thought it, he realized he couldn't go for a ride.
He couldn’t leave them unattended.
No more riding. Sudden panic closed around his chest, fast and tight, and he gripped the edge of the kitchen sink, suddenly oblivious to the stack of dirty dinner dishes he'd been loading in the dishwasher.
Riding was his sanity. It was Freedom's as well. The others would be all right with a few days off, but Freedom needed to run hard. And so did Jacob. He hadn't missed a daily ride in years.
Shit. Shit. Shit. He hadn't thought of that.
He stepped back from the sink and clasped his hands on his head, trying to catch his breath, but it was coming fast and hard. He felt trapped. He needed air. He needed space.
He tossed the dishtowel in the sink and bolted for the front door. He yanked it open and stepped out onto the front porch, breathing deep as the night air filled his lungs and whispered across his face.
The days were warm, but nights were cold in the high desert, and he breathed in the cool air.
He didn't dare take even a step away from the doorway, from those inside, even though the night called to him with all her force. Keeping his body as a barrier to the inside of the house, he stood still, his weight even on either foot, his hands loose by his sides, his hands flexing as he tried to work out the tension in his body.
"Sorry, Freedom," he said. "Tomorrow." But would he go tomorrow? Did he trust anyone else with this family's safety? Their presence trapped him, but at the same time, his gut recoiled at the idea of going more than a few feet from his new charges.
He heard his bedroom door open, but he didn't turn around. He just listened for the sound of trouble, while he continued to experience the Oregon night.
The door closed, and bare feet padded across the new carpet. Bella and Lucas had stopped by while they were all in the barn, so Jacob hadn't had to talk to them, which he was grateful for. He'd acquired food, dinner, furniture, and assorted towels and sheets without having to speak to anyone. Exactly what he'd needed today.
