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I flip him off but feel decidedly lighter. Maybe this is exactly what I need. A break from both Ronan and Raegan. At least I won’t be a part of what they’re doing. It won’t get me into trouble and I won’t have to be tormented by it day by day.
I can move past this.
I have to if I want to keep my heart and sanity intact.
The lonely ache in my chest is horrible these days, made worse by the cold. The weather’s been bleary and hasn’t made it above thirty-five degrees. Because it’s so cold, I’m forced to sit in the cabin all day, helping Mom with the kids.
At least Ronan and Ryder get to actually do something. For the past two months, both of them plus Dad and Rowdy have been working on rebuilding the big house. Before Uncle Atticus took off back home with his family, Sadie, Chet, and Kristen, the men all hauled away the debris leftover from the fire and were able to get the framing done.
I’d give anything to go out there with them, physically moving my body and perhaps having an actual conversation with Ryder that is more than a few grunts. Ronan’s not much better, even though I see him more since he’s just next door in Ryder’s cabin. When Ronan’s not doing grueling work for Dad, he’s sleeping. Always sleeping. Mom says he’s depressed.
If only she knew the real reason why.
Two months ago, when Ryder walked in on me and Ronan having sex, everything blew up. Ryder leaving us to go live with Rowdy sent Ronan spiraling. He hasn’t touched me since.
Yes, whatever happened with Logan messed with Ronan’s head, but it was that event and Ryder catching us that tipped him over the edge.
I miss him.
I miss them both.
Even if they are being the biggest assholes on the planet.
Mom’s retching pulls my attention from the window, where I watch movement over at the big house. She’s been hugging the same bucket for a couple of weeks now. I’ve been around her long enough to know she’s pregnant.Again.
They haven’t officially told us, but when we’re going to bed at night, I notice the way Dad palms her belly. Don’t they have enough kids already?
I’m never having any damn kids.
“Mage,” I gripe when his nasty fart meets my nose. “Go out there and be a real wolf like Spirit. Wolves are supposed to like the cold weather.”
He rolls over on Dad’s side of the bed, tongue lolling out. Ugh, he’s so dumb. And huge. He’s the size of a real wolf, massive and a mouthful of sharp teeth. Luckily for us, he’s a big teddy bear. A stinky big teddy bear.
Declan and Dakota giggle, both of them holding their nose. They’ve been practically climbing the walls since the men are all out working and Mom’s preoccupied with puking. Dawson, the little angel he is, enjoys snuggling with Destiny, but even his cute voice asking her questions doesn’t pull her out of her mute state.
Everyone in this family is so messed up.
There’s really no fixing us.
Mom’s puke smell makes my stomach turn. Being trapped in this stupid cabin with all these kids is maddening, but adding in the stench of vomit and I’m about to lose it altogether.
“I’m going to the root cellar to get Mom more ginger,” I tell Destiny. “You’re in charge.”
Destiny doesn’t reply, but I know she’ll watch over them. Just because she doesn’t speak doesn’t mean she turned stupid.
“I want to go with Rae,” Declan whines, reaching for me.
Hell no. He’s so clingy. I already have to sleep with him sprawled on top of me every night.
“Rae can go quicker without helpers,” Mom croaks out. “Can you come rub Mommy’s back, Deck? I’ll feel better.”
Declan frowns but goes over to help Mom. I’m thankful she’s letting me have a moment to myself. I shove my feet in my boots and yank on my coat. Once I’m outside, the crisp air fills my lungs. I breathe it in and then exhale a white cloud. My fingers are already cold and it’s been thirty seconds. This winter is going to be a nasty one. I can feel it.
Luckily, Uncle Atticus will come back alone in a few weeks to bring new furniture, windows, and other supplies for the big house. The big house should be ready in time for winter. I’m desperate to have some space to myself.
If Ryder wants to continue being roomies with Rowdy, I’ll just give Ronan his cabin back and take over Ryder’s. I don’t care what Dad says. I feel like I’ve earned it.
Tucking my hands into my coat pockets, I bristle against the chilly wind and start making my way along the path to the big house. They’ve done an impressive amount of work in a short amount of time. It’s nice seeing a house again.
