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“Then you applied. And Monica was so impressed by your CV, she decided to bring you in despite the committee recommending against it. It was pointed out to her that there was nothing you could have done during the interview that would have gotten you the job, but she insisted, reasoning that George already had an excellent position at Harvard and might decide not to accept an offer.” He sighs. “Even if George weren’t a rock star, you have to understand: she and I were in grad school together. We’ve had half a decade longer than you in the field. Half a decade worth of scientific output, publications, grants.”
You’re the ideal candidate, Monica told me the first night we met, but I wasn’t. I simply wasn’t. “Why did Monica...?”
“She tried her all to hire a theorist. And I have to admit, she played her cards well by choosing you as her candidate.” He leans forward. I drag my eyes up to his. “Elsie, I was there for the final vote. George won, because she was best qualified, but everyone in the department was impressed with you. Which doesn’t surprise me, after I saw your talk and read your articles.”
“Right.” I press my fingers into my eyes. “My articles.”
“They’re excellent. And also...”
I look at him. “Also?”
He wets his lips, like he needs time to phrase something. “Sometimes, when I read them, I can almost hear them in your voice. Your personality.” He shakes his head, self-effacing, like he knows he’s being fanciful. “A turn of sentence here. A formula there.”
I thought we’d agreed that I don’t have a personality, I’m tempted to say. But I’m too tired to be bitter, and Jack... he’s been nothing but kind. I try for a smile. “I can’t blame you for voting for her.”
“I didn’t.”
My eyes widen.
“I recused myself.”
“Why?”
He opens his mouth, but the words don’t come immediately. “I had a... conflict of interest.”
“Because of George.”
He smiles faintly. “Because of you, Elsie.”
I have no idea how to interpret this. So I just don’t. “Aren’t you and Georgina...?”
He cocks his head, confused. God, he’s going to make me say it.
“Together. Aren’t you two together?”
He laughs. “No. But weareclose friends. And unlike Dora, her wife, I’m scared enough of her to let her drag me to see movies that bend the space-time continuum and feel several hours longer than they actually are.”
“Oh.” Oh. “During the interview, did she... know about me? That I was the other candidate?”
“Not until a few minutes ago. I wasn’t allowed to tell her who the other candidate was.”
“It’s just...” I scratch my neck, where heat is slowly creeping up. “Earlier, when I introduced myself, she seemed to know who I was.”
He freezes—a millisecond of hesitation—then resumes with his casual, stone-strong confidence. “I did talk to her about you. But that was long before your interview. I told her that Greg was finally seeing someone. And that I was struggling.”
“Because you disapproved.”
“Elsie.” His tone is patient but firm. “I understand if you are uncomfortable with what I told you. But I’ve never lied to you, and I’m not going to start now.” His eyes hold mine like a vise. “I was attracted to someone I shouldn’t have been attracted to. I felt guilty and frustrated, and I confided in George.” There’s a frog in my throat. An entire ecosystem. Five astral planes. Something glows and pulsates inside my stomach, and I don’t know how to evenbeginto respond. Luckily I don’t have to, because Jack adds, “Greg wanted to meet with you this week. I asked him not to.”
“Why?”
“Because I had to tell him that you wouldn’t get the job. He wasn’t sure he wouldn’t slip up, and... I was planning to be the one who explained everything.”
I feel myself smile. “Not a good liar, is he?”
“I’m surprised he didn’t blurt out about your arrangement on your first date.”
“Yeah.” Me too, actually. “How is he?”
