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Dr. L. isn’t in his office yet. He arrives about twenty minutes later and finds me leaning beside his nameplate—a first in six years. I study his hands as he unlocks the door, wondering how to bring up Grethe Turner.
I heard from someone that—
I’m sure it’s all a misunderstanding—
I know these are serious accusations, but—
Please, you wouldn’t—
“What is it that you wanted to tell me, Elise?” The green chair feels prickly under my thighs. Dr. L.’s tone is, as usual, encouraging. Supportive. “You mentioned something about a job opportunity in your email. Where would that be?”
I had... not quite forgotten about George’s offer, but the topic seems trivial, inconsequential compared to my need to know what really happened between Laurendeau and Jack’s mother. Still, it’s why I originally scheduled this meeting. Since I have no idea how to bring up the topic I want to, I clear my throat and start with what’s easy.
“At MIT.”
“Ah. I see.” His thin lips stretch into a satisfied smile. “The department realized they made a mistake. I’m pleased to hear that—”
“No. I... That’s not it. Georgina Sepulveda wants me to become her postdoctoral fellow. The position pays well, comes with health insurance, and George has a line of liquid crystal research.”
His eyes widen, then instantly narrow. “Georgina Sepulveda stole your job, and you’re thinking of workingforher.”
“She didn’tstealmy job.” Irritation bubbles inside me, but I quash it down. “She deserved it. And I can learn a lot from her. Honestly, it feels like a perfect match, and I’m leaning toward accepting.” Dr. L. says nothing and just stares at me. The satisfied smile is gone now, and I nearly shiver. “What do you think?”
He’s quiet for a few more moments. Then he leans back in his chair, lips thin, and asks, “What is it that you are here for, Elise? My blessing to accept this position?”
I take a deep breath. Another.Honesty, I tell myself like a mantra.Honesty.I can be true to myself.People who care will stay, even when I’m not the Elsie they want.“Yes. I understand your reticence, and I respect your wisdom, but—”
“If you really understand, you will stop considering it at once.”
My brain stumbles and goes blank for a minute. “I... What?”
“Setting aside the humiliation of working for someone who beat you to a job, I have researched Georgina Sepulveda. Not only is she an experimentalist, but she also frequently collaborates with Jonathan Smith-Turner.”
I’m not sure what feels the most like a punch: Dr. L.’s cutting tone, or the shock of hearing him say Jack’s name. “This has nothing to do with him. George is an established scientist in her own right, and—”
“Enough, Elise.” He lifts his hand, as though I’m a well-trained pet who’ll fall silent at a simple gesture. Suddenly he looks tired, as though exhausted by an unruly child’s tantrum. “You willnotaccept this position.”
I frown. For a long moment, I have no idea what to do. Because on one side, there’s the simple semantic knowledge of what Laurendeau’s Elsie should do: Agree. Apologize. Chalk her stubbornnessup to meningitis, leave after some teary genuflections, and continue her life as it has been for the past six years. On the other, there’s the ElsieIwant to be.
And the things she chooses to say. “Dr. Laurendeau. Iwillaccept the position if it’s what I think is best.” My voice comes out surprisingly firm. “And while I understand your reservations and appreciate your guidance, I will ultimately decide—”
“You silly, stubborn girl.”
His tone, at once harsh and condescending, is like an ice bucket pouring over my head. “You have no right to talk to me this way.”
Dr. L. stands slowly, as he often does during our conversations. For the first time in six years, I stand, too. “As your academic advisor, I can talk to you however I choose.” He leans forward. I have to lock my knees to not step back. “If you are adamant that you wish to work under an experimentalist,” he continues coldly, “perhaps we may review some of the physicists who approached me about you in the past, but—”
“What did you say?”
“I am open to reviewing other offers, but Dr. Sepulveda’s is not—”
“Other... offers? You said there were no other offers.”
“There were some. From experimental physicists. Absolutelyunacceptable. However, they would still be better than working with—”
“But you never told me.”
“Because they did not bear contemplating.”
