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“Then we’ll never know.”
“But you do this a lot.”
“I haven’t in a while.”
“Since when?”
“I think you know.”
Oh.“You like sex,” I say. Not a question.
“I do.” He pauses. “But I’ll also go months without thinking about it if I’m busy working on a grant or an experiment.”
“Like your current sets of failed experiments?”
He laughs softly, pressing a kiss on my hair. “I’ve thought more about sex in the last six months than ever before.”
“I hope you’ll like it.” I burrow further into him. “With me.”
“I will.”
“You can’t know.”
“I can.” He rubs a hand up and down my back, like I’m a fussy pet in need of soothing. Maybe I am.
“Sexual compatibility is a thing. What if we’re not...”
“Then we’ll work on it.”
“I don’t want to bework. I don’t want you to feel that I’mwork.”
He sighs. “Somewhere along the way your wires got crossed. Your brain decided that you’re not worth people’s time and effort, and that if you ask for anything, they won’t just say no, they’ll also leave you.” He says it matter-of-factly, like he’s Archimedes of Syracuse repeating his findings about upward buoyant forces to the acropolis for the tenth time. “That’s not how love works, Elsie. But don’t worry for now. I’ll show you.”
“But I—”
“Go to sleep.”
“What? Why? No!” I try to move up, but his arms cage me tighter. “We should be having all the sex.”
“In a minute. For now, just close your eyes and be silent for twenty seconds.”
“Why?”
“It’s a kink I have.”
“You perv.” Yawn. “What happened to anal play and bondage?”
“We’ll get there. Are your eyes closed?”
I nod into his chest.
“Perfect. Now count to twenty in your head.”
His breath is a soft, steady rhythm under my ear. I’m warm and safe, and I get only to thirteen before I’m lost to the world.
21
COMPLEX HARMONIC MOTION
