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“I don’t think of myself that way. I’m not defined by whether or not a man has touched me.”
“I did not suggest that you were.”
And it burned. Her desire to ask him if he was the same. She was too embarrassed. Tongue-tied.
“The waffles are fine,” he said. And then he strode over to where she sat at the end of the table, took her hand in his and lifted her into a standing position. “Do you know what I need help with?”
Her heart was thundering radically, and for a moment, she thought he was going to do something like... Press her hand to the front of his pants and allow her to feel his hardness there. The evidence of his desire. Or perhaps he would lower his head and kiss her.
“Teach me to dance.”
CHAPTER SIX
THECONVERSATIONATbreakfast had him aching. He wanted an excuse to touch her again. To hold her.
She was such a strange woman. Or maybe she wasn’t. He didn’t have much experience of women. Or of any human. Maybe all people were like this. Denying what they wanted so that they could live in fantasy land.
He did not see the point of it. It was so... They were all prisoners. People.
Prisoners to all of these made-up prisons.
You still sleep in the dungeon.
Yes. He did. It was called the transition. There was hardly a handbook on how to escape the dungeon. If there were, he would’ve read it. Though, if it existed, his captors never would’ve brought it to him, so maybe that was untrue. But either way, he felt that he was handling it as well as anyone could. And even then, what did it matter? What did any of it matter?
There was no grade being given out.
And yet, she was so careful. Brianna.
Sunshine and raspberries and Brianna.
He half expected her to deny the request. But instead, she squared her shoulders and looked at him, her expression defiant. “Of course. Is there a room where you would prefer to conduct the lessons?”
“The library. I imagine it is cleaned up.”
“Yes. The staff saw to that quickly. They thought that it might be upsetting to you to see the aftermath.”
“It’s not upsetting to me.”
“Maybe there is something to the way that you spent the last sixteen years, because you don’t seem particularly concerned or guilty about anything. You don’t seem to harbor a whole lot of bad feelings.” She looked away. “I’m sorry. Of course that isn’t true. The issue that you had yesterday, it obviously speaks to some deeper things...”
“I don’t need you to validate me. I’m fine. And you are correct. Living the way that I did, I could not afford to indulge these sorts of concerns. Why would they matter? These are abstract things. The thing that frustrated me the most about being in captivity was what I could not do for others. For my country. I had to accept the fact that my existence needed to be all about my survival. That is different than enjoying life or living for others, serving others. But when you have no other people to worry about, when the only people who you are in view of are your enemies, your captives, then what opinions have you to be concerned about? Also guilt... I have no guilt or shame. That is also connected to the expectations of others.”
“Well, you are a singular person. Because most of us worry an awful lot about what other people think.”
“Who do you worry about?” He extended his hand, giving her time to decide if she was going to take it. She did, and he led her toward the library. The touch of her hand to his was a spark. And he reveled in it. It was entirely possible that this was the only contact he would ever have with her. Their palms touching. Her body pressed against his in the pool. Her pulse beneath his lips.
That might be all there was. It was more than he’d ever had.
And yet, the idea of not claiming her fully felt wrong. The beast within him roared, but he did not growl out loud. Which was for her. Only for her. Because he didn’t care whether he did or not.
They opened the doors to the library, and closed them behind them.
“I can play some music on my phone. Maybe there’s something traditional...”
“Yes. Because there is a wedding dance, you know, and I will have to be in practice for that.”
She did not look pleased about that. And he found that it ignited a spark of pleasure in his gut.
