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“All right. Will you let me hold you again?”
“To what end?”
“I don’t understand.To what end. Did you not enjoy being held?”
“Yes. But men don’t typically wish toholdwomen unless there is an end point.”
“By which you mean sex.”
“Yes,” she said, heat rushing through her body. “By which I mean sex.”
“I would not be opposed to sex.”
“No. I can’t.”
“Then you will have to come to me when you decide to change your mind.”
That simple. And yet, she felt like her body was burning. Boiling with need and anticipation. And somehow she felt... Disappointed at his proclamation that he wouldn’t push her. Part of her, she found, wished that he would.
“Why do you think I’ll change my mind?” she asked.
“I may not have a lot of practical experience in the world. But I have read what the greatest minds have to say about love. About attraction. About rage and revenge. Desire. Heartbreak. I have read enough to know that there is a certain amount of inevitability to desire. In part because I think when people desire someone, they will come up with whatever excuses possible to give in to that desire. We resist because...”
“Why do we resist?” she asked.
Her heart was thundering so hard she was sure that he would be able to hear it. She knew that she was being provocative and asking him. Implying that what he thought, what hewanted, was not valid because he had never lived out among people.
It was mean.
“I have read about these things,” he said, his confidence absolute. “I think people resist because they are afraid. There are many foolish reasons to be afraid. Afraid of what other people think. I’m not certain that I could ever find it in me to care about what someone thinks. Afraid of their own responses, that I can understand. Not for myself personally. Only some people have experiences that make them afraid. That they would grow too attached to the partner.”
“I see. And which do you think I am?”
The way that he smiled, slow and seductive, made her stomach clench tight. “I’m afraid that you would fall in love with me.”
She couldn’t help it. She laughed. “You’re afraid that I would fall in love with you? That is quite the ego you have.”
“Let me rephrase. I think you areafraidthat you might fall in love with me. That is what holds you back. Because otherwise, what do you care? Cairo never has to know. No one ever has to know.”
“I can’t live like that. I could not keep something like that from a man that I consider to be one of my closest friends.”
“You are required to divulge intimate details from your life to him? I find that very strange.”
“Well, it isn’t up to you to find it strange or not. I didn’t ask.”
“Does he let you know every time he takes a lover?”
“I don’t have that kind of time.”
“Yes, so frequent is the act for my brother,” he said, the disdain in his voice almost amusing.
“I don’t want to talk about this,” she said. “I’m here to help you.”
“You can imagine why I might not find that appealing. I feel that I have a connection with you,habibti.” He had never called her that before. She knew that it was an endearment, but she wasn’t sure quite what it meant. “I have not met many people. Cairo might be your friend, but you are the closest that I have to such a thing. Do you not see why it might be... Problematic, for you to act as if you are here to serve me, and nothing more?”
She was angry. Because shelikedhim. Because he wasn’t just a job. She had sat and talked to him, she had been held in his arms, and she felt connection to him.
She just didn’twantto. Couldn’t afford to.
