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‘No.’ She sighed, feeling the heavy weight of the past pressing against her chest and causing her anxiety to surge. ‘I’m not. But don’t you see you’re proving my point? This should only be about the baby—about what is best for him or her. Not my father and what he is, what he’s done. He haszeroinvolvement in this.’
‘He’s your father, Carrie,’ Damon scoffed.
‘Yes, he is. Which, by the way, is something I have no control over. And, like I tried to tell you the other day, he and I barely have a relationship.’
Leaning back in his seat, Damon looked as if he was processing the information, but Carrie was not fooled into thinking that he was relaxed. She could see by the set of his body that he was still primed to pounce.
‘So he won’t be in the baby’s life?’
‘I won’t prevent him from meeting his grandchild, if that’s what you’re asking. He’s my father, and my door is always open to him. But as far as him being involved—that’s unlikely.’
It was a painful truth, not made any less painful by the long years Carrie had had to come to terms with his indifference.
‘Unless something is directly about him or his business, my father has very little interest in it. As this baby is about neither, I can’t imagine him being any more a feature in its life than he was in mine. He doesn’t even know I’m pregnant,’ she shared, with a shrug to disguise the constant hurt she felt over the state of their relationship.
‘He doesn’t?’
‘No.’
By the way Damon’s eyebrows flew up with a surprise he could not contain, Carrie knew it meant that he wasfinallylistening and hearing. And once he understood that her connection to her father was in a large part in name only, maybe his attitude to her would soften and they could start contemplating how to navigate the future, rather than arguing over the past.
‘As I said, we don’t have a close relationship.’
‘Have you told anyone? About the baby?’
‘My mother, of course. And my grandparents. They were surprised, but they’re excited. They’ve all offered their help.’
‘So you’re planning on raising the baby here? In Santa Barbara?’
‘Yes. This is my home. It’s where my family is...my work is. It’s where I’m happy.’
Damon nodded as though he had anticipated that. ‘At present, I’m based primarily on the East Coast. But, as you no doubt know, I have offices in several cities—including Los Angeles. I also have a house there. Now, I have no problem making the West Coast my primary base, but I’m not sure my living full-time in LA is the most suitable arrangement,’ he disclosed with a pragmatic tilt of his dark head. ‘I think it would be far better for me to find a home here, near to you. Obviously I would need to commute to my LA office daily, and I’ll need to travel for business. But so did my father, and he always made it work. As long as our child has a stable place to call home...’
Carrie held up her hand. Her head was spinning so fast she was liable to fall over, even though she was sitting. ‘Wait—I’m sorry. You’ll buy a househere? In Santa Barbara?’
‘Yes. That way it will be easy for us to co-parent. The child can go between us without having any if its fundamentals change. Same nanny, same school, same friends...you get the idea. That way we’ll be able to have a flexible arrangement that suits us both.’
Her mouth had gone bone-dry. He wanted to move to Santa Barbara? To co-parent? It was the last thing she had expected. She wasn’t sure what arrangement she had been expecting, but it definitely wasn’t this. Quickly, Carrie considered the implications of it—Damon being in her life, day in and day out—and her heart quickened, something she couldn’t name thudding beneath her breast.
‘So when you said you wanted to be involved, you meant...’
‘That I want to be a full-time parent to my child, yes,’ Damon clarified, eying her without concern. ‘I have no desire to be a part-time father, Carrie. I want to be with my child on a daily basis. I want a relationship from the start. My father was a hugely important figure in my life. I always knew he loved me and was there for me, whatever else he had going on. If I’m anything less than that to my own child, I’ll have failed.’
His passionate intensity left her speechless, and she could only stare into his handsome face, transfixed by the determination blazing there. Determination to be a good father, a good man. And in that instant Carrie trusted entirely in his promise to be present for their child. He was willing to change his life for it. To prioritise it.
It was a love she’d never known from her own father, and that made emotion stick at the back of her throat. Because for the first time she actually felt that it all might work out. That she and Damon would be able to make it work because they had common ground in wanting the best for their child.
‘And since there is no possibility of you and I being together romantically, this seems like the best available alternative scenario.’
She went cold all over. Her heart clenched and her eyes burned. The sting of his words pierced so deep that for a moment she forgot to breathe.
‘Right. Of course. It’s the next best thing,’ she agreed, hoping he hadn’t noticed the beat of stunned silence before she spoke.
Then, picking up her fork, she moved it around her plate, keeping her hands busy and her eyes lowered.
‘You’re crying,’ Damon stated, his eyes burning a hole in her.
‘No. I’m not,’ Carrie insisted, even as she kept her eyes downwards. It was bad enough that she was upset, but that he couldseeit...
