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Colorful graffiti laced every inch of the toilet stall door. I traced a finger over the inked offerings.
Sean Wallace is a prick.
A grim heaviness settled in my chest. Yeah. Isn’t he just? I glanced at my watch and tried to slow my breathing. I had ten minutes before I needed to be in the dressing room prepping the team for our final practice. I’d rehearsed my pep talk. This had to be the pep talk to end all pep talks. Mostly, I wanted the girls to know how proud I was. How amazing it had been to lead them this season. How honored I felt. It wasn’t a time to lay on the pressure.
The sound of the restroom door swinging open broke me out of my reverie. Voices drifted from beyond the stall doors.
“Did you see the statement on Instagram about Sean and Skylar? Mutual separation to concentrate on their careers? Sounds like bullshit to me. Something must have happened.”
My heart leaped into my throat. I recognized the voices: two of my girls, Jenny and Tori.
“Does that mean Sean Wallace is back on the market?”
“Rumor is he’s been banging Lana. That’s why they split.”
“Shit.”
“I know. I wouldn’t be that worried about Skylar. Apparently, she’s hooking up with the psychologist guy.”
A laugh.“Skylar got there first? I’ve lost twenty quid. I thought I was making good progress as well. I even made him smile the other day.”
Tori piped up again. “Skylar needs to get her shit together. I can’t believe we got through this whole season and she’s cracked at the final hurdle.”
My whole body flashed with heat. I put a hand on the stall wall to steady myself. My breath came hot and sharp. Part of me wanted to go out and confront them for talking shit about me, but I couldn’t move. The shock held me still. My team had lost faith in me. Tears threatened my eyes.
Reece’s words drifted into my head.
Calm and still like a mountain.
This was no time to fall apart. My life might have been turning to shit for weeks now, but no matter how I felt, I had to keep it together. The team had to come first. This was our defining moment. My moment as captain. I’d go out on that pitch and show everyone why we deserved to be promoted. Because we did deserve it. Now, we had to prove it.
“I don’t know what she’s thinking. She’s messing up on the pitch and now she’s traded in the captain of Calverdale United for Captain Geek.”
Irritation rippled up my spine. I hadn’t seen Reece all week. He hadn’t been in his office. He hadn’t messaged me. He was doing what I wanted. I’d asked for space. The team was too important. But part of me had hoped he’d fight for me. I didn’t want to do any of this without him. A deep pain stabbed my chest. When push came to shove, he wasn’t that different from Sean. He’d been ashamed of me. His door was always open to the captain, except for when he’d pushed me in a wardrobe and shut it in my face.
My heart contracted. I wanted to fling open the stall door and confront them. I wanted to tell them that I’d take Reece over Sean any day of the week. At least Reece knew where to find the clitoris. But I didn’t. I waited for them to go and I wept quietly, because now I knew the truth. My team had lost in faith in me. How could I lead us to victory if they didn’t believe in me? I'd tried so hard to fake it and hold everything together, but it was over.
Not good enough.
Chapter 35
Reece
In the dim silence of my office, I took my books down from the shelves and packed them neatly into boxes. With each heavy tome, regret assailed me like a wretched steel bar compressing my chest. I should never have taken this job. It had always only been a way to be closer to Skylar. My behavior had been unacceptable. I’d broken my ethics and my commitment to do no harm. The last thing I’d wanted was to hurt Skylar, but I had. I’d messed with her head and her heart. That was the unforgiveable part.
Lemon polish filled my senses as I spritzed the walnut desk and polished the smooth surface. I wanted to have compassion for myself. It was what I tried to give to my patients, but it’s so much harder to be kind to yourself. I sat in my therapy chair and sunk my head into my hands. If I was counseling a patient, I’d highlight all the factors that lead to this point. It had been a difficult couple of years—the breakup with Megan, moving back in to take care of Mum, burnout at the hospital. Maybe if I was the one in the therapy chair, I’d take it back even further than that. I’d unpick the trauma around losing Dad. I’d worked so hard to process it, but with something like that it would never be done. The wounds ran deep.
Everybody told me to take a break, but I ignored them and pushed through. My feelings for Skylar had always been unmanageable. I should have told my supervisor or quit sooner, but I’d been arrogant enough to think I could handle it. I’d thought I had it under control. The truth is that life is chaotic and messy. Some things were beyond my control, no matter how much I wanted to kid myself otherwise.
I moved to the couch and ran a hand over the soft, buttery leather. I couldn’t help but picture Skylar there writhing with her first orgasm. I’d wanted to help her. I’d gone about it in the most inappropriate way imaginable and it ended in tears. Maybe she’d be laughing about me now with her teammates. The ones that had made a bet about me. No wonder everyone was so keen to do individual coaching sessions.
Humiliation made the back of my neck itch. It was the same feeling I’d had at school when Sean’s gang had rounded on me in the hallway, shoving me into the lockers, laughing in my face. Skylar hadn’t noticed what was happening then either. Even if she wasn’t involved in the bet, she could have told me. I was repeating the same pattern again. Skylar Marshall was part of my past. Maybe I’d thought I could heal that old wound by pursuing her again, but nothing had changed. We were adults now, but she was still the prom queen and I was still the geek that worshipped the ground she walked on. My chest ached. I loved her still. I’d always love her, but I couldn’t carry on here. I couldn’t stay somewhere where people didn’t take me seriously, where they were laughing at me.
With a whoosh, I shut the blinds and slipped my jacket back on. I’d broken my ethics in this room. Passion had overtaken my sense of reason and I’d let my heart rule my head. When I reported what had gone on here, I’d lose my license to practice as a psychologist. My family would be horrified. I’d lost my reputation and my self-respect, and for what? Nothing. I’d gladly give those things away for Skylar, but I’d lost her too. She didn’t even want me at her final match.
I took one last look around the office. The steel bar that compressed my chest tightened. Goodbye, Calverdale.
I won’t be back.
