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I descend into myself, hiding in my waist length hair that curtains my nudity, wishing this moment away.
“You know,” Maksim husks out, his vodka clinical breath blowing over my face, “you are a subjectively beautiful girl.” He pushes my hair out the way to kiss my neck, making me grimace. “But to me, you are the most stunning little thing.” His lips are affectionately inexperienced, rough and hurried as he pecks up my pulsing vein. His kiss makes me think of the way Charlie kissed me, how he took his time when he caressed me, made every touch count, every action executed with tenderness. I never truly understood his attention to detail before today.
I'm not sure I can do this.
“Do you want me to make love to you?” Maksim runs his teeth over my collarbone, sending some horrible vibes through me. “Then you can decide between Charlie and me. For the first time ever, you can choose your own path.”
Brutal silence, and I'm mentally trying to block out his closeness, but then, “Or do you want me to fuck you the way I've wanted to fuck you since I first saw you as a little girl?”
I try to speak,“No. I don't want either offer,”and while my lips move, words don't come out. I'm silently paralyzed with what's happening.
Maksim grabs a clump full of my hair and tugs my head back. He then licks up the center of my throat until he's sucking my chin, his saliva trailing my flesh.
I shut my eyes, trying to deal with this, but then Maksim thumbs the waist of my sports shorts and I can't take anymore.
“I don't want this,c?pMaksim,” I say with a sob. “Can't we just go back to-”
“It's either this,” he cuts me off, sharpening his teeth on my jaw line, “or you will end Charlie Decena. You choose.”
I press my lips together, suppressing the urge to fight Maksim off my body. I've never felt the urge to fight Maksim before. It's an alien emotion but powerful on another level. Inside, I'm shaking with panic—I just don't feel like I'mhisanymore.
Maksim slips into the front of my shorts, his dusty arm chafing against my abdomen. He finds my sex with coarse fingers. My stomach rolls with dread. I squeeze my ass cheeks together, enhancing the pain inside for a moment, but then my senses narrow. I feel a single finger being pushed in me, sliding through my folds with violent force.
“No!” I scream, smashing my fists in his chest, forcing him back a step.
The tension skyrockets, our eyes narrowing in on each other’s.
“You won't let me have you!?!” Maksim yells after a few seconds, his eyes glowing like golden balls of fire. “Nor will you get rid of Charlie!?!”
“No,” I say in defiance. “I won't do either.” For the first time in my life, I look right at him with reprisal, balling my hands at my sides. “You don't give a shit about me!” I shout at the top of my lungs, but the effort tires me out. “All you want to do is hurt me,” my words come out weaker now, as I stagger back to rest against the wall for support, putting my hands on my knees. “I don't want you to hurt me anymore,Maksim. I just want it all to stop.”
“It isC?pMaksim to you,” he says, appalled. “And that's not your decision to make. You're mine to do with as I see fit.”
It's a feeble attempt, but I shake my head. “I'm not yours anymore,” as I say that, his face changes. “You made sure of it when you handed me over to Charlie, a man who has been kind and caring to me... who made sure I was happy... Why couldn't you ever be kind to me, or even James?” It's like being punched in the chest as I think about my friend and what he's been through in aid to protect me. “We've given you our all and what we haven't, you've taken anyway.”
Maksim grinds his jaw, furious, standing there in the middle of my whitewashed apartment.
“Please,c?pMaksim...” Hot tears flood my eyes as I stare at him, the back of my nose tickling to cry. “Tell me why you couldn't be kind tomeat least. I need to know.”
Silence... We look at each other, predator against predator. I'd tear him apart if it really boiled down to it, but he knows my subconscious won't allow me to—or maybe he doesn't. He looks uncertain.
“Tell me,” I whisper, my voice cracking. “Tell me. Please?”
“Because...” he's not sure what to say for a second, then, “Because I knew the moment someone tapped into your emotions,” he lifts a finger to me, “you'd be lost to me.”
“What?” I screw up my face. “But... that doesn't even make sense.”
“Oh, it does, my little pet,” he husks out, deceivingly calmer now. “I don't think you quite realize what you're capable of. I don't think you realize how important it is to keep you emotionless... to keep you totally loyal to me... I need you, Blaire.” His finger circles my frame, emphasizing me. “I trust no one else.”
“But... but I'm not emotionless,” I say, sure that I'm not. “I've always cared about you.”
“Because that's all I've ever allowed you to feel.”
I sob then, staring at him through watery eyes. It's now obvious that I could have felt more in my life, been more than what I am, and he stole it all from me.
“Why?” I say, and he hesitates a second time, so I yell, “Why!?!”
“I couldn't risk unleashing your emotions,” he says that with no shame, shrugging. “You have to understand, you are so powerful with your Chinese combat skills and your technology skills... If you ever truly understood your merits on the level that we do, and learnt how to be a leader, you'd realize you don't need me—Tatiana wouldn't need me. She'd just want you.”
