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“What woman?” he says, still playing with my hair. “Celine?”
I nod a couple of times.
“Not anymore she doesn't.” He stares right at me then, into my eyes with raw sincerity. “You don't have to be curious about her, Blaire. She's not like you. She’s nothing special. Mexico is flooded in women like her.”
I break eye contact with him, feeling my cheeks heating up. I've no idea why I even wanted to know if she lives near him. It's not my business.
“What sort of things do you enjoy?” he says, going in a different direction of conversation, “other than sports, I mean.I reallywant toknow.”
“Other than sportsandfood, you mean,” I say, making him laugh. It seems to lighten the mood between us.
“Yeah, other than sportsandfood,” he teases, winking at me.
I tell him about my silly desire to travel to strange places, that I like being around normal people. “I know it's weird, but things are always so dark and intense with... Maksim,” I gulp out his name, “so I guess I just like being around the ordinary every now and again.”
“That's not weird. It makes sense.”
“You think?” I ask, genuinely interested in his opinion.
He nods, completely absorbed in me. “We all have our own ways of escaping life as it is.”
“Yes, we do.” I glance down, then back up at him. “I’m not allowed to visit strange places anymore though. You know, since Maksim said-”
“I know what he said.” Charlie pulls the car keys from his pocket and puts them down in front of me on the table. “You can do whateveryou want with me. If youwant togo out, go out. I won’t stop you.”
I really believe him, and in this moment, I don’t think I’ve ever felt closer to him.
“What’s it like where you live?” I say.
“There's no bloodshed, Blaire—or we try to make sure there isn't,” Charlie's eyes glisten with possibilities as he says that. “We all live peacefully and spend as much time together as possible, having barbeques... celebrating each other's birthdays... that kinda thing.” He talks about this over a few hours, while we dig into the chocolate he bought me, and I don't know why, but I feel like he's trying to sell living in Mexico to me.
24
I wake early the next morning to a dream I'm not sure doesn't disturb me.
I bolt upright in bed, diamonds of sweat dripping down my face and chest. The moon is glowing low in the curtaining black sky, set between a collection of dazzling silver stars.
Is it morning yet?
The dream...Fuck...Charlie broke my virginity without permission from Maksim, and I didn't stop him—didn't even try!
I grip my throat, recalling every moment, every phantom image of Charlie's muscular body rippling against mine. It didn't hurt when he thrust inside me, stretching me open. It didn't hurt when he fucked me with gentle rhythm, whispering sweet nothings in my ear, kneading my body with his large hands. I came so hard that I actually had an orgasm—that's what has woken me up.
I feel between my legs, sliding my fingers over my soft folds. I'm warm and damp but there is no blood when I look at my fingers. It was definitely a dream I just had.
Why am I wishing it was real? If Charlie ruined me, Maksim wouldn't want me anymore... but then again, Maksim would put a bullet in my head and it will all have been for nothing.
I scoff, rationally disgusted with myself. Why the fuck am I thinking about this shit—betraying Maksim’s orders? What's happening to me?
Putting my face in my hands, I take a moment to adjust to the real world.
I have to stop this, what's going on with Charlie, but how? How can I stop myself from wanting something when I'm around it twenty-four seven?
I wish I came with an off switch. I've never mulled over so many things in all my life, and I've certainly never remembered my dreams.
Climbing out of bed, I get dressed and brush my teeth, then I head straight for the gym to relieve some of this tension/confusion inside me before Charlie gets up.
Like hell is that going to happen—someoneup thereis fucking with me.
