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But the worst was not knowing about Christian.
Was he here too? Was he okay? Had he been hurt?
Fisting her hands, she paced another circle, stopping by the window. Wherever they were it looked remote. All she could see were trees for miles. Still in Switzerland? Or had they crossed the border into a neighboring country? Or had they hopped on a plane and flown halfway around the world?
Not knowing made the knot of fear in her chest tighten.
At least she was dressed again. Although knowing someone—almost definitely Ross—had put their hands on her while she was unconscious churned up her empty stomach. If it wasn’t empty, she likely would have made good use of the toilet in the adjoining bathroom.
Tired as she was, there was no way she was going to go and lie down. After what had happened at the cabin, how close she had come to being raped a second time, there was no way she could handle a bed.
Not unless she wanted to completely lose it.
If Christian was there to lie beside her it would be different. His body warm and strong pressed up against her, his arms wrapped securely around her, his heart beating beneath her ear, reassuring her she wasn’t alone, then maybe she could face a bed.
But not now.
Not alone here in this room.
Not when she had no idea if Christian was all right.
“Where are you? Are you okay?” she whispered to the empty room.
When she started another circuit of the room her ankle gave out, and she stumbled, throwing her hands out against the wall so she didn’t fall. The joint was still swollen and black and blue, and constantly walking on it wasn’t helping.
What she should be doing was taking this opportunity to rest it and try to regain a little of the strength her body was so badly lacking. If she couldn’t go near the bed, she could at least curl up in the comfortable-looking armchair by the window and rest there.
But Lila was afraid.
Afraid that if her eyes closed again, she would wake up in a worse situation than she was already in.
Zara had been upfront about her plan to keep both of them alive until she had the rest of Alpha Team and their families. That meant she didn’t have to worry about being killed just yet, but that wasn’t her biggest fear.
Nope, her biggest fear was Ross touching her.
So much had happened in so few days that her mind hadn’t had a chance to process it yet. The abduction, waking to find Ross there, being forced to put her mouth on him, having him almost put his mouth on her. Running and falling, walking for hours through the forest, the gunshots, the cabin, the old man.
It was so much …
Too much.
Air began to puff in and out of her chest in harsh gasps.
Great.
She was going to lose it.
Fall apart when she needed to be holding it together.
The feeling of hands on her skin was so real that she slapped at herself, desperate to rid her body of the sensation.
Hot air on her neck.
An intrusion inside her.
Squeezing her legs together did nothing to erase the phantom feelings.
Memories.
