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They had used a condom. Christian had been insistent, which she understood given he’d been sleeping around, and she hadn’t wanted to wind up pregnant and alone anyway, so they had used protection every time they’d slept together.
But no birth control was infallible.
As she might be about to find out.
Using the side of the tub for leverage, Lila hauled herself to her feet. There was a moment when the world spun around her and she was sure she would hit the tiles when she collapsed in a heap, but somehow, she managed to remain standing.
In the bathroom cabinet—buried way down at the back—were the pregnancy tests she’d bought a week ago.
On her birthday.
When she realized she was late and that what she thought was a stomach bug could be something else entirely.
She’d been so excited to celebrate her birthday with Christian. It would be the first year she’d celebrated with a real boyfriend. Pathetic, she knew since it was her thirtieth, but the relationships she’d been forced into in the past made her want to steer clear of the whole thing.
Christian was different though. Lila had felt a connection to him the moment their eyes first met. Love at first sight? Maybe not. But a connection nonetheless. He had hinted he had special plans he was making for her birthday, and she’d thought the day was going to be the perfect way to usher in a new decade of her life. One where she learned to cut the final threads tying her to her past so she could finally be completely free and happy.
Instead, she’d spent the day curled in a ball in bed, feeling sick and so alone and heartbroken it had physically hurt.
Lila wanted to run from this, pretend she hadn’t missed a period, that she wasn’t throwing up every morning, and it didn’t mean anything at all. But pretending wouldn’t change anything.
If she was pregnant, she was pregnant.
She’d deal with it.
Just like she had dealt with everything else life had thrown at her.
If Christian wanted to be part of the baby’s life, they would work something out. If he tried to take the baby from her she’d fight, and if he wanted nothing to do with the baby like he wanted nothing to do with her then she’d raise it on her own.
Her fear—over something she hadn’t even confirmed existed—over losing her child proved that she did, in fact, want this. Maybe it wasn’t what she had planned, maybe it wasn’t what she had expected, but she would find a way to make this work no matter what it took.
Crouching down, Lila rummaged around until she found the box and pulled it out of the cabinet beneath the sink. Her hand trembled as she opened the box and took out the stick.
The trembling increased as she shoved her pajama bottoms down, along with her panties, and held the stick in place so she could pee on it. After she’d flushed the toilet, she pulled off some toilet paper and put it on the vanity beside the sink, setting the stick on it while she washed her hands.
Now there was nothing to do but wait.
Seconds ticked by, feeling like hours.
As terrifying as this was and as absolutely alone as she felt, Lila found she was already accepting the fact that this was just a formality. She already knew there was a new life growing inside her.
“Okay, Lila, it’s time to see what your future looks like. Whatever it is you can handle it. You’ve been through worse, and this time there isn’t anyone controlling your life. It’s just you and …” she trailed off as she reached out and picked up the stick.
Confirmation.
Pregnant.
She was pregnant.
“… a baby. Just you and a baby. Your baby.”
Bursting into tears, Lila dropped the pregnancy test onto the vanity and ran into the bedroom, throwing herself onto the bed and burying herself beneath the covers.
How could this be happening to her?
Yeah, she knew she would figure it out, but right now it was so overwhelming. This wasn’t how it was supposed to be. You were supposed to be happy and involved with a man who loved you. You were both supposed to be thrilled and excited about the new life you would soon bring into the world.
Of course, she knew reality often wasn’t like that. She wasn’t the first woman to find out she was pregnant and alone, but this was her life they were talking about.
