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Chapter fifteen
Jenny
Hedoesn'twanttoget married.
I feel like that's the only explanation for what's going on here--why he got off the phone in such a hurry, why he doesn't want to meet up.
I can't believe I was so stupid.
I'm sitting in the restaurant when I text Finn and he calls me back, the scent of ginger and rice filling my lungs. This is the smell of home--of my parents' kitchen, a scent that's been my whole childhood. But it doesn't do much to set me at ease after Finn hangs up, telling me he has to go.
This was so silly. It was such a stupid idea.
I just booked a wedding venue.
I scroll through my contacts and dial Sam's number, putting the phone to my ear. My mom keeps looking at me with concern, and I can tell she knows something's wrong--but I need to talk to a friend right now. Sam always has a way of making me feel better.
Sam picks up after a few rings. "Hello?" she asks, a child's voice in the background.
And I should take it slow. Be calm.
But I launch into a full-on panic attack. "I can't believe I was so stupid, Sam. I just booked a venue for the wedding without even talking to Finn first. What if he doesn't even want to get married? What if he's been trying to tell me, but I've just been too damn dense to see it?"
"Whoa, whoa!" she says. "Slow down, Jen. Walk me through this. What happened?"
I pause. I don't think I've told her a single thing about what's going on with Finn.
"Um...I have a lot to explain," I say. "Do you have a second?"
"I was just sitting down for dinner with Evan and Alex, but I always have time for you," she says.
"Wait..." I smack my forehead. "Of course--you just got back from your honeymoon, didn't you?"
She snorts. "No, we're holding off until next summer, until Alex feels a little more comfortable. You're fine."
"Are you sure? You're a newlywed."
"And my ears work just fine," she laughs. "Lay it on me."
So I tell her everything.
About Steven cheating on me, about going over to Finn's place a week ago and sleeping with him, and then the bargain that we made as kids...and how Finn wanted to hold to it. Of course, I'm a couple years away from thirty, but he wants to bump up the timeline--or at least, Ithoughthe did until tonight.
"I just don't know what to do," I tell her. "I feel like I fucked up. I mean...I told Sarah--"
"Oh...so that's what that was all about," Sam mutters. I hear her cover the receiver, her voice muffled. "Evan, didn't you tell me Jake said Sarah had a weird meeting today?"
"Yup," I hear a man's voice say. "Wait a second--was that about Jenny?"
"Oh my God," I gasp, covering my mouth with my hand. "Everyone probably already knows. Finn's whole family..."
"Calm down and don't have another panic attack," Sam says. "You arefine."
I take a deep breath and try to steady myself. Sam is right--I'm overreacting. But it's hard not to when everything feels so uncertain.
"What should I do?" I ask her.
"Well, first of all, don't jump to conclusions about what Finn wants," she says. "Maybe he just had a bad day. Maybe he's dealing with something else right now. You won't know for sure until you talk to him."
