Page 86 of The Secrets We Keep

There was a tear in her soul that would never heal with them gone, but being able to visit, knowing the man who’d killed them was dead, gave her at least a little bit of peace. And now she could start over.

She’d never expected to have a life after Nero was gone, hadn’t anticipated living that long. But she was in no hurry to rush it. She and Luca would figure it out together eventually.

“I thought you were going to go up and take a shower,” Luca said from the doorway, holding two mugs in his hands.

“I was. I will,” she amended, smiling when he waded through the strips of paper and sat next to her.

She held the steaming mug up to her face and inhaled the rich scent of hot chocolate into her lungs. Exactly what her mother always served on Christmas morning after the presents were unwrapped and the kids scattered to play with their new toys while the adults sat around talking or dozing until lunch.

“I don’t know if it’s how your mama used to make it. But I asked Carlotta to make it how her mama did.”

Sienna took a careful sip, tears gathering at the corner of her eyes at the taste. It wasn’t exactly the same, but it was close enough.

“Your aunt called again.”

Closing her eyes against the sound of her aunt’s voice in the message Luca had played for her, she swallowed around the lump in her throat. Her mother’s family had been trying to get in touch with her since her interview aired. But each time she reached for the phone, she couldn’t pick it up and dial. The guilt and the grief were too heavy.

“I can’t give them what they want.”

“Why not?”

“They want my mother back. And she’s dead.”

“No, Sienna. They just want you. You’re enough.” He pressed his cheek against the top of her head. “We can go see them next week if you want.”

“What if they can’t stand the sight of me?” She’d always been told she looked so much like her mother. “What if it’s too painful for them?”

“Then you never have to see them again if you don’t want to. But it’ll eat you alive if you don’t at least try.”

Pursing her lips, Sienna considered what it would be like to reconnect with her mother’s family again. To weave that tether back into place. To have memories and people connecting her to a past that only existed in her head now.

The fire in her apartment building had taken the last of what she had left of her family, the recipes she’d carefully written down, the journals full of sketches and stories. It felt like losing them all over again.

Those were her mother’s people, and deep down, she knew she owed it to her mother to at least make the attempt. Her mother would want her to.

“What are you thinking?” Luca wondered, wrapping his arm around her shoulders when she leaned into his side.

“I was thinking about the last Christmas I spent with my family. The living room looked about like this does now.” She gestured at the floor, smiling as she remembered the bow one of the kids had flung onto the angel at the top of the tree.

“Mama and I were in the kitchen. She was making hot chocolate, the kids were running around screaming upstairs, and I was sitting at the kitchen table. We were talking about my little brother’s girlfriend. I can’t even remember her name now. But I remember how excited Mama sounded at the idea of a proposal coming any day.”

She wrapped her fingers around the warmth of the mug and took another sip. “I wanted to tell her about you. I wanted to shout about you from the rooftops whenever my family asked me if I was seeing someone or when I would get serious and settle down.”

“Me too,” he admitted softly.

“I regret that I didn’t. I regret that my family died without knowing how happy I was, without knowing I had you to love me.” She took a deep, shuddering breath. “I regret that I didn’t come to you after…”

“Don’t.” He set his mug down on the side table and turned to face her, leaning in to kiss away the tear winding its way down her cheek. “You were right not to come here. We were hurting for money then, even though I didn’t know it at the time. There’s not a doubt in my mind my father would have sold you back to your uncle, no matter how I tried to intervene.”

“We lost so much time,” she whispered.

“We have so much life ahead of us, Sienna.”

Luca cupped her face in his hands and pressed a kiss to her lips. She sighed. She could have done so many things differently, but Luca was right. It was useless spending any time worrying over what had been when the future was spread out in front of them.

She wasn’t going to waste a single second of her life on what she could or should have done instead. For the last three years, she’d been simply existing, in stasis, waiting for her moment to strike. But nothing was holding her back now.

She intended to enjoy every minute of the rest of her life with Luca by her side. She’d make her family proud of her. Until her last fucking breath.