Page 85 of A Dream of Stars and Curses

‘I was worried you’d relate what Chiara did to me,’ he says. ‘That you’d look at me and relive the pain she caused you, but with my face.’ He touches his forehead to mine. ‘I’d never hurt you, Esta. Please know that. If you can’t feel safe around me anymore, I understand.’

I briefly close my eyes to enjoy his skin against mine, then look up. I need him to see the truth of what I’m about to say. ‘I could never compare you to her. I’ve never felt as safe as I did in your arms.’

I’m glad it’s dark, because I blush furiously. I was too embarrassed to say things like this at the party, but I don’t want to hold back anymore. I need him to know how he makes me feel.

Leverett touches his nose to mine. I tilt my head back a little, will him to lean in just a little more and kiss me.

‘Esta—’

A slight moan escapes me at hearing my name on his lips.

But Leverett steps back. ‘The boggart amplified my worries, but they are all valid nonetheless.’

My stomach sinks. He’s had time to think, and he still doesn’t want to be with me. I can’t believe I just said what I did.

‘I understand,’ I say. My voice is steadier than the last time we had this conversation.

He leans in a little, cups my face with one hand, strokes my cheek with his thumb. ‘You don’t. Can I give this some more thought? I need to know that the way I feel about you isn’t influenced by anything else. I need to know that I make this decision with a clear mind, not because the boggart affected me.’

I lean into his hand and nod. ‘Of course. You know where to find me.’

I almost tell him that Bonnie will be on a date Friday night, but I don’t want to rush his decision.

‘Esta...’ He touches his forehead to mine again. ‘Never doubt how I feel about you. That’s part of the problem. I never expected to feel as strongly as I do for a human. I... need to consider what that means. If it’s possible.’

I stroke his cheek like he stroked mine just now. I stand on my tiptoes and place a small kiss on his forehead.

‘You don’t need to explain.’ I’m grateful he did, though. ‘I want you to be as sure as I am.’

And then I step away and leave him in the empty door frame. I don’t turn back around until the counter is between us.

‘I won’t come by until you’ve decided. I don’t want to make it awkward.’

He nods. ‘Thank you.’

With that, I leave. I conjure the image of The Star and hold on to its message of hope. Maybe Leverett will decide that nothing has changed for him, but at least we’ll both know that it’s his decision. It’ll still hurt, but I know now how much not being his friend would hurt, too. I’m prepared for whatever he decides. Either way, I’m on his side.

That’s what I focus on as I walk home and the first stars appear:

Hope for the future, whatever it may bring.