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“Good gods, Tessa. You do have a death wish tonight, don’t you?” Axel barked, his tone somewhere between shocked and amused.
Tessa let out her own humorless laugh. “Compared to these last few weeks, death would be a welcome reprieve at this point.”
“You don’t mean that, Tessa,” Theon said, plopping his drink down and stalking towards her, but Luka grabbed his arm, holding him back.
“Do not push her anymore tonight, Theon.”
Theon turned to him incredulously. “Are you seriously telling me not to push her any more tonight?”
“I have been warning you about this from the very beginning,” Luka retorted. “Let her go tonight.”
“She is not your Source. This is not your call to make.”
“Deal with it in the morning, Theon,” Luka insisted, not letting go of his arm.
Theon’s gaze drifted back to where she stood, and she couldn’t read the look that passed over his features. “Did you mean that, Tessa?” he demanded.
She pursed her lips, breaking his gaze, and glancing from Axel to Luka. They were all looking at her expectantly.
“These last few weeks have been what I imagine the Pits of Torment to be like. Pure and utter agony, and you do not seem to care as long as I am obedient and behave properly. Have I thought death might be a kinder option a time or two? Yes. When I was experiencing the pain from the first Mark or the torture of the assessment today, did I wish for death to finally claim me and just put me out of my fucking misery? I’d be lying if I said no. But not even death wants me, even when handed to her willingly.”
Silence rang in the room, and it was Axel who spoke first. His eyes were wide in disbelief, and he stumbled over his words in a way she had never heard before when he said, “Tessa, are you saying… Have you tried to— In the past…”
He trailed off when Tessa held his gaze, her lips pressed together in a tight line. It was answer enough for tonight. They didn’t get to have her secrets. They didn’t get to have her past.
“I have done nothing but try to care for you, Tessa,” Theon said, his tone too calm and even. Too forced. “If you would just accept this fate, you wouldn’t… I wish I could figure out how to make you understand that acceptance of this would take care of all of this.”
All of this.
What did that even mean?
But there it was. She’d laid it all out there. All but told him she would rather death come for her than live out the life fate had dealt her.
And he’d come back to the fucking bond and her unwillingness to accept it.
A soft, broken laugh of disbelief came from her as she whispered, “Good night.”
As she was shutting the door to the primary bedroom, she heard Luka’s voice carry to her down the short hall. “I told you this was going to bite you in the ass.”
Tessa paused to listen.
“I don’t know what got into her tonight,” she heard Theon reply, his voice thick and tired sounding. “I thought she was getting closer to accepting this. She’s been seeking me out all day, needing the bond, and then it’s like a fucking switch flipped.”
That had been part of the plan, though. Sure, the bond had been soothing and comforting to her, but she had also wanted Theon to think she was starting to accept it. Because maybe if he thought that, he’d put a little more trust in her and give her a little more freedom.
And she planned to use that extra freedom to get down to the lobby and get her bottle of agaveheart, especially after how the night had played out since they’d left the restaurant.
“I warned you she would not be the same,” came Axel’s voice. “Not after the way we’ve been trying to force her to accept this.”
“What would you have me do?” Theon snapped.
“Let’s sleep on it,” Luka said again. “Give her some space for a little while. We’ll all get some sleep, and maybe things will be…better in the morning.”
Doubtful.
26
TESSA
