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“Still not talking to her, huh?” Valerie’s straw makes a slurping sound as she reaches the bottom of her drink, as she focuses on the glass and not me.
I shake my head. There's nothing else to say.
“Have you ever thought about giving her a second chance? Maybe things are different now that you're an adult.” Raina’s delicate tone annoys me. There's no reason for her to talk to me like I'm a child or to handle me with kid gloves. I'm a lot stronger than she's giving me credit for.
I know the household and the environment I grew up in. Neither of them do. “People like her don't change. Besides, she's a bad example for everything I want to accomplish in life.”
I see Raina inhale a deep breath, her ribs expanding in her swimsuit top as Valerie places her glass on the little table next to her lounge chair.
“I just worry...” Raina says, then trails off as she stares out over the ocean. The stars are out as the fading sunlight gives way to darkness. Then her attention comes back to me. “I just worry that one day you're going to look back and regret shutting her out of your life completely.”
Maybe she’s right, but I doubt it.
“Anyway, I wanted to ask you a question,” Valerie says, changing the subject as she glances at me.
“Shoot,” I say, taking another drink of my soda before deciding it’s too gross. “After I get a drink,” I say, standing up and leaving the little poolside area that overlooks the ocean. This little Airbnb had been a brilliant idea.
I make my way to the kitchen and quickly pour myself a soda, this time adding a splash of rum to the drink. I have a feeling that whatever Valerie is about to ask me, it's not going to be a pleasant or easy conversation since it’s coming on the heels of me not talking to my mother.
When I make my way back outside, they're sitting with their heads close together, talking quietly. Their conversation abruptly ends and they both look up at me with bright false smiles.
I sigh. “What did you want to ask me?”
Raina scoots closer to me, away from Valerie, and Valerie offers a soft smile. “I wanted to ask you what happened with that guy Ryan you were dating.”
As she says the words, pain slices through my heart. There was a very good reason I didn't share that story. But now is as good a time as any, I guess, so at least it takes the attention off of me not talking to my mother.
“I was dating him for about six months. He had to travel a lot for work because he told me he was an architect. He drove a really nice car, not that that matters too much.” I sink into my seat and take a deep drink of my soda and booze as they look at one another again.
“He was smart, successful, handsome. He seemed to have everything going for him.” Even now, as I think about Ryan, I think about how he'd showered me with compliments and gifts and attention. His affection was always on tap, and he made me feel special, wanted, and cared for. Of course, all of it had just been a lie.
“Everything was really good for a couple of weeks.”
“And then you dropped off the radar,” Raina says, her tone soft.
I nod my head. “And I dropped off the radar because he also had a dark side. He wanted to know who I was talking to on the phone. He had to check my emails, text messages, social media. I had to tell him everywhere I was going, who I'd be with, how long I would be gone and where we were at all times.”
I swallow hard, thinking about how awful things had gotten and how quickly he’d turned into a monster. “He accused me of cheating on him, lying to him, betraying him.” Which was almost funny, all things considered.
“But you're not like that,” Valerie says, and she’s right.
I nod my head. “But that's not even the best part.” No, his secret had been devastating, and I haven’t told anyone what happened, except my therapist. Ryan and I had only been broken up for three months, but therapy has been a huge help for me getting over things.
“The best part is that it turns out he was married. He wasn't an architect; he was a plastic surgeon. His job didn’t require travel like he said. And he has a wife and two kids on the other side of the city.” He’d used me as his escape, his vacation, his side chick.
My friends gasp in surprise.
“And his name wasn't even Ryan. It was Richard.”
Valerie laughs. “Dick was a dick!” she says as Raina elbows her with a stern look. But I don't mind my friend’s humor - I’d had the same thought.
“Exactly. And when I confronted him about it, he admitted everything. He told me they were currently separated and that he was going to leave his wife for me. Of course, I didn't want that.” Even now, I think about the guilt and shame I'd felt at the thought of being a homewrecker and destroying a family.
But I knew the truth.
He lied.
He had no intention of ever leaving her.
