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I watch Valerie swirl a margarita in her glass as the salt crystals dissolve in the lime juice and alcohol. The site is almost mesmerizing, like the sun setting over the ocean, painting the sky in brilliant hues of pink, orange, and purple. We'd booked this Airbnb together so that we could spend a little extra time reminiscing.
I should be enjoying this moment with my friends, but I can't stop thinking about him.
The man I met on the flight to Olivia's wedding. Michael.
Relaxed on the lounge, I melt into the white fabric and stare up at the sky as he fills my thoughts and my friend’s chatter fades into the background. Standing at the baggage claim when he asked me my name, I knew that he wanted to kiss me. Heck, he'd wanted to kiss me while we were still on the plane. I could tell because he kept glancing at my lips. I don’t know why he held back.
Maybe I'd said or done something that had driven a wedge between the two of us before we ever had a chance to start. I'm sure it's just as well; the last thing I need is to get involved with someone. Still, I can't help this curious flood of warm feelings every time I think about him. If I didn't know any better, I'd be afraid I'm starting to have feelings for the guy, which is no small feat, given that he's an absolute stranger.
How we'd managed to connect so easily, so quickly, is beyond me. I've never been the type of person to believe in love at first sight. Or even second, third, fifth, or tenth sight. In my experience, when you fall hard and fast for someone, it's probably because they're a narcissist pretending to be perfect for you so that they can dig their claws into your life, take control, and destroy everything you've ever loved.
But this doesn't feel like that.
Michael feels... safe.
“Hello...?” Valerie waves her drink in front of my face and I blink, smiling at her as my thoughts return to the present. “You have to tell me whatever you're thinking about that has you so far away.”
Actually, I don't. And I think I won't. Still, I have to say something or she's going to hound me forever. “Just thinking about a big work move I've been considering making for a while now.” It's a lie, but there's a grain of truth in the words. It’s the one answer I can give that’ll instantly lose her interest.
Valerie, instantly bored, quickly shuts me down. “Well, let me know how it goes.” With that, she turns back to Raina, who's smiling at both of us.
My thoughts return to Michael's light brown eyes, that slight dimple in his cheek when he smiles, and the warmth in his expression as he thought about kissing me both times. Honestly, I wish he'd kissed me, and I wish I’d given him my number. Not that I need him to give me his number. I know enough about him that I can track him down. Which makes me sound weird and serial killer-y but how else is a girl supposed to get answers about strange feelings a guy makes her feel?
Even though we didn't share any intimate details about ourselves, I feel like it would be easy to do so, which leaves me kind of concerned about spending time with him. The only reason I haven't tracked him down yet is just because I'm not sure it's a good idea.
Life has taught me to know better than to trust a man who shows interest in me. There hasn't been a single man in my life who hasn't had an ulterior motive, including my father. Everyone wants something from me. My body, my money, my time. They don't care about me as human, as an individual, and they sure as hell don't respect me as a woman.
“I'm kind of starting to worry about you.” Raina’s statement brings me back to the moment, and I realize she’s moved to the lounge chair beside me and Valerie is nowhere in sight. I lift my head to look around for her, but Raina is quick to put my mind at ease.
“She's inside, making herself another drink.” She rolls onto her side and plants her elbow on the pillow and props her chin in her hand. Her gaze never leaves my face as she speaks. “So what has had you so lost in thought?” A slight smile toys with the corners of her lips. “Did you meet someone?”
I shake my head. “I was just thinking about a work deal-”
“I’m not Valerie.” Her words are sharp as she cuts me off.
“And I was starting to fall asleep.” I know that I'm a lot less likely to trick Raina, and she’s more likely to ask probing questions about my work idea if I push too hard. And right now I don't feel like answering questions about work.
She arches a quizzical eyebrow at me, and I have a feeling she doesn't believe a word coming out of my mouth. Of course, she's on to me, but I need to find a way to deflect her attention away. “Valerie seems like she's drinking more. Do you think there's a problem there?” On the heel of my whispered words, Valerie walks out onto the deck and smiles at me, drink in hand.
“I see that you've decided to join us again. How was your nap?”
I feel a flood of relief that Valerie thinks I was sleeping. At least that'll add some merit to my claim and maybe get Raina off my back. Even though I'd used that question as a deflection, I can't help but wonder if Valerie really does have a drinking problem. She's always been the one of our group that likes to day drink with class, but this seems a little overboard even for her. As she takes her seat, she and Raina keep talking and I find myself drifting back to my thoughts again.
I can't stop thinking about how awful my father had been, how he treated my mother like a doormat and cheated on her with every woman he could find. The men in my life generally seemed to take a similar path, like ex boyfriends who only wanted to lie to me, use me, dump me when they got bored or find someone better.
“I still can't believe Jake had the nerve to hit on you at his sister's wedding.” Valerie sounds almost sorry for me, and I’m surprised she noticed. I glance at my friend, noticing that my friend’s hazel eyes are sparkling with amusement and mischief. While we often gossip, I’m surprised to be the center of a conversation. Maybe she is drunk.
“I know, right?” Raina shifts on the lounger, sitting up to sip her iced tea that may or may not be a Long Island. “I can't believe she didn't slap him.”
I'm also in shock that Jake hit on me at Olivia's wedding because he knows that I hate him.
“Maybe he was drunk,” Valerie says. “Moira is way out of his league and he knows it.” She winks at me, and I roll my eyes. Sure, Jake does have a dead-end job, no ambition, and isn’t exactly my type, but I’m not a firm believer that people have to be evenly matched in every department to be compatible. Everyone is equally terrible, and nobody is good for anybody else.
“Or maybe he has a social death wish,” Raina says dryly. “With one snap of her fingers, Moira could completely ruin his entire social life.”
They both laugh and I force myself to join in, knowing they’re right. Although I generally don't use my powers for evil unless it's absolutely necessary. In this case, Jake is a bit of a jerk, and he was absolutely in the wrong, but I don't think he deserves to be completely destroyed.
I'm also not a huge fan of my friends talking about me like I'm not right here. And I really don't want them to know that I'm distracted by another man. A man who is completely unlike Jake in every possible way. A man who's smart and funny, charming and handsome. A man who makes me feel things. And I think that's why I can't stop thinking about Michael. He has burrowed his way under my skin, and I can't get rid of him.
