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But then he cuts himself off.
“I love you too,” I say, clinging to him tightly. “So much.”
Jamie leans back, and I sit on the bed beside him. Kylie approaches, the beads in her hair rattling as she shudders. She’s already breaking down, unable to speak, as she reaches out and holds onto her brother tightly.
“I’m so sorry,” she says, panting. “I’m so, so sorry.”
“Hush,” Jamie says, holding her tenderly. “It’s okay.”
“You did it for me and Kyle, and I won’t even let you meet him.”
“It’s okay,” Jamie says. “Looking back, I wish I’d acted sooner. I wish I’d told somebody. I wish I’ddonesomething. I’ll tell you the truth, which will make me sound broken somehow.”
His voice gets wavy, eyes unfocused, and I know it’s like he said. It’s the stuff coming out of his system.
“Before I met Lucy, I didn’t care much about my life. You were happy, Kylie. You’d found Sebastian. You were talking about starting a family. If going to prison was the price I paid to keep your life that way, I’d gladly pay it.”
“Jamie…”
She bursts into tears again.
“But now,” he says, “I’ve got something of my own to live for—Lucy and the family we’re going to share.”
He stares at me, eyes glimmering.
“I love you so much,” I whisper.
Jamie smiles, then turns to Zack. “Get over here, kid.”
Zack walks over, head bowed. “I’m happy you’re okay, sir.”
“Sir?” Jamie laughs gruffly. “We’ve been through too much for that. Come here.”
“Really?” Zack says, heartbreakingly suspicious when Jamie opens his arms.
Zack throws himself into the embrace. Jamie winces but doesn’t let Zack see it hurt.
“Are you going to go to prison?” Zack says, his face buried in Jamie’s chest.
He’s an interesting child, an eerie mixture of toddler-like emotion and grownup coldness. That’s what Dad did to him: stifled his childish parts, stunted them, and encouraged the rest. Now, he can fuse those pieces of himself and heal.
“No,” Jamie says. “It’s open-and-shut. Self-defense. I’m never going to prison again.”
“That’s good, and Jamie, did you, uh, did you mean what you said? Were you telling the truth?”
Jamie hugs Zack. “I meant it, kid. I’m going to be there for you. I’ll never let anybody hurt you.”
“We’re family, right?” Zack says.
Jamie looks at me meaningfully. Suddenly, all the pain and the craziness and my dad dying twice fades away. All I see is Jamie’s smile and the significance in his eyes, the confident message that they’re family becausewe’regoing to be family.
Ialmost propose in a sudden, unhinged rush, but I don’t. I won’t. It’s for my man to do that when he’s ready.
“That’s right,” Jamie says.
“I can’t wait for you to meet Kyle,” Kylie says, holding her brother’s hand.
I cling onto his other arm, all three of us needing a piece of him.
