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Downside to my newest achievement was that it pointed out how I wouldn’t make it if I tried to go see Maura. She had been home a week now and it was killing me not to see her. I felt like a broken record asking Jameson everyday about her and how she was doing.
“She’s focusing on healing,” was his answer almost every time. I could tell that he was holding shit back from me, and ever since yesterday, I’d known without a doubt. Jameson had come to see me early in the afternoon looking fucking broken.
“She doesn’t trust me. She has every right not to trust me,” he had said as he’d stared out the window.
“Did something happen?” I had asked.
“Shit came to a head today and I had to just stand by and do nothing. I don’t know how to help her. She won’t let me help her.” He had sounded so frustrated and helpless.
In that moment, I would have given anything to go see her. I had been tempted to say fuck it and go. I would’ve crawled to the guest house if I’d had to. Then I’d remembered that Stefan had threatened to send me back to the hospital if I left my room before Dr. Ben cleared me.
“You can’t give up, Jameson.” Encouraging him had been all I could do on my end, and I had to hope that it’d be enough.
Pulling myself back to the present, I dried my wet hands on a towel before opening the bathroom door. I took two steps out of the small room and noticed I wasn’t alone. Maura was standing in the middle of my room. It was a shock because for a moment all I could do was stare at her, hoping she was real. I took in every gorgeous inch of her just to make sure. I spotted the yellowish bruises on her face and neck right away. The evidence of what Buck and the Aryans had done to her pissed me off, but the relief of seeing her stand there smothered it. I wanted so badly to touch her, hold her, and not let go. Before I gave in to the urge to do that, I tested the waters with a smile. “Hello, beautiful.”
Her reaction wasn’t what I expected. Her brow scrunched up as tears filled her alluring green eyes. “I’m so sorry.” Her knees buckled and she dropped to the floor.
Out of instinct, I rushed to her, hoping to catch her. The feeling of pain and pulling in my abdomen made me grit my teeth as I knelt on the floor in front of her. Her hands were fisting her hair as she stared at the carpet. I grabbed her wrists and gently tugged on her hands to release her hair before taking the back of her neck and pulling her to my chest. I hugged her the best I could without touching her back.
I felt tears drip and slide down my chest. Her body shook. “I’m so sorry,” she said again.
I kissed the top of her head, then her temple, breathing her in as I did. Having her in my arms made me realize how starved I was of her. “Shh, it’s okay.”
“No, it’s not.” She pulled her head from my chest, bringing us face-to-face, her mouth a breath from my own. She stared at me with sad eyes, and I just wanted to take that sadness away.
“It’s okay,” I assured and pressed my lips to hers with a brief kiss, then another, and another. In between each kiss, I told her that it was okay, and each time she softened against me and kissed me back until our kisses stopped being brief. Her hands moved up my chest, behind my neck, and her fingers slid up into my hair. She clung to me and kissed me with needy desperation, which I reciprocated. I had missed her so much and if we didn’t stop soon, I’d fuck her on this floor. I didn’t care how badly it’d hurt. I’d find a way to find pleasure in it.
Maura’s hands dropped back to my chest, and she pushed a little as she tore her mouth from mine. “I can’t. You don’t understand.”
I brushed some of her hair from her face and tucked it behind her ear. “What don’t I understand?”
“I knew, Louie,” she said, her eyes full of what looked like guilt. “At the hospital, deep down I knew it was a trap and I went into Amelia’s room anyway.”
Silence stretched between us as I absorbed what she’d said. She tried to pull away. I grabbed her arm and gave her a stern look. She wasn’t going to pull that running-away shit with me.
“You could have gotten yourself killed,” I practically growled.
“I didn’t care.”
“Obviously,” I snapped. “You didn’t care about anything or anyone.” What I found surprising was, I understood why she had done it. I wasn’t even mad that I’d been shot. Well…no, I was pissed about that, but I didn’t put that on her. It was her complete self-disregard that made me livid.
I let her go and struggled to stand. She tried to help me. “I got it,” I snapped and got to my feet. I put a hand over where I’d been shot as I walked back to the bed. “The shitty thing is that I don’t feel like I can be mad at you right now because I feel like I owe you for the shit I pulled,” I said angrily as I ripped back the blankets and fixed my pillows.
“You’re allowed to be angry at me,” she said from where she stood on the other side of the bed.
I huffed. “Thanks for the permission.” I winced the whole time as I climbed into bed. Maura watched as I got settled. “You’ve lost your high ground with this, Maura. All three of us have fucked up and have ended up hurting each other. We need to work on how to repair us. Especially you and Jameson.”
She folded her arms over her chest. “You want me to forgive him?”
“Yes.” I wasn’t going to ask her if she forgave me, because after the shit she’d pulled, we were fucking even. Not that it was a competition. What I had done didn’t compare to what she had done, and I’d use that to my advantage if it meant that I could fix things between all three of us.
“Forgiving him isn’t the issue,” she said.
She didn’t trust him. Trust was the issue. “Apply that intense need for revenge you felt to the fear Jameson and I felt after we lost the baby and almost you. Maybe then you might understand.”
She looked away from me, clearly seething. I could see that she wanted to tell me to fuck off, but she held it back. “How do I know you two won’t do it again?”
“How do I know you won’t go do something reckless like purposely walk into a trap again? We still haven’t figured who betrayed the family,” I said. “You’re not the only one who needs to learn how to trust again. At least I’m willing to try.”
