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The beetle snaps flat. It’s working!
I tighten, pulling harder at the sensation of my magic all over me. Now, decompose.
But the heat shifts like a cool gust on a summer day. My insides quaking with fire, then shuddering cold. Back and forth, the oscillating temperature of my magic threatens to unsteady me. I strain, urging my toushana deep down. But it fights me back with a frigidness like I’ve never felt before. The world blinks white, and for a moment a cold like death seizes tightly in my chest. I think of Mom and her strong hugs when she would whisper in my ear: There’s good in you, Quell.
Something shifts, and I latch on to it.
I warm a little.
There is good in you, Quell.
Now hot.
So close.
Harder, I urge, pulling from my core, imagining those Dust granules piling one on top of another until I’m warmed to the brim. When suddenly everything bleeds cold.
The beetle erodes into a tiny hill of ash, my toushana decomposing its little body at warp speed. Then, it retreats as quickly as it appeared. I shove out of my seat, blinking in disbelief. I gaze around, but the cyclone of panic only swirls around me.
I couldn’t fight it off. I tried and it fought back. My throat is a desert and swallowing doesn’t help. My freak-out garners pinched glances and I tug at the ends of my hair to keep from clawing my skin. Remember where you are. I clear my throat and try to slow my breaths.
The mess on the table looks . . . correct.
Decomposed dust from a beetle.
I did that with my toushana.
“Quell.” Shelby grabs me by the arm. “Are you okay? You’re as pale as a ghost.”
I snatch my arm away. “I’m— Yes. I’m okay.”
She coaxes the dust into a jar. “This looks great. You sure you’re all right?”
I clear my throat, still chilled all over. “Yes, I’m good.”
“Okay, I’ll turn it in.”
“Thanks.”
“Catch you later in the dining hall if you’re around?”
“Sure thing.”
Shelby gathers our supplies and takes them to Dexler. She beams, inspecting it, but it doesn’t ease the nausea welling in my gut. I couldn’t stop my toushana. No matter what I tried.
I shoulder my bag and head out the door. I distance myself from the crowds lingering in the hall, and when I round on the Belles Wing where my room is, the coast is clear. I pull the book out of my bag that I borrowed from the library, thumbing through it for any mention of toushana. It’s a long shot, but I’m desperate.
“Oh, hey, there you are.” It’s Abby.
I slip the book away.
“Want to grab a bite? Sorry about this morning. I was wiped. I want to hear more about what happened the other night. You didn’t say much on the way home. I saw you follow Jordan out of the Tavern and—” She reaches to brush up against me playfully, but I move away. “Why are you being weird?”
“Sorry. I have a headache. I’m going to go back to the room to lie down. Can I have some alone time?”
“Sure. Jordan was looking for you though.”
“If you see him, can you make an excuse for me? He’s just really intense about this mentor stuff.”
