AllFreeNovel
Share Us
A chill ran up my spine just thinking of what she did to me. What she wanted me to do, too.
I was too young to know better, to know anything, but every time it was over, I felt dirty and disgusted. Sick. There was a great deal of guilt and fear that she made me feel, warning me that if I told anyone about our secret, she would tell my parents what a horrible bad kid I’ve been. That she would make sure my parents hate me and punish me. She also said she would harm Kobe, my parents, and our baby brother. She said she can make them disappear, and I would be homeless and without a family. No one would want such a nasty little snitch.
For over two years, I endured her molestations. For over two years, I tried to find excuses to get away from her. Whenever she came around, I would head off to a friend’s house. If I’d somehow missed that opportunity and was trapped in the house, I would spend an inordinate amount of time in the bathroom, just to avoid being with her.
My memory was foggy as I tried to remember what part she took in my life. How had she come to be in my life and to have such intimate access to me? It was vague. A friend of my mother’s? An employee of my father’s?
I wasn’t sure. All I knew is that one day, she was gone.
I was relieved and thought that I was finally free, but as the years passed and my interest in girls grew, I realized that I had a blockage; a sexual blockage. Despite my attraction to girls and my desire to be with them, something kept me from giving myself entirely to them. Something always held me back. Sure, girls like Tilly could blow me, since that wasn’t intimate, but when it came to me doing anything sexually intimate with a woman on a woman, I couldn’t.
Over the years, I developed a particular aversion to overtly sexual women. I didn’t know why. I just did. However, Layla, with her beautiful and sexy body, her exquisite face, that luscious blond hair and that heartwarming smile... she threw me off, she...
I hated to admit it, but she scared me. Not in the typical frightened sense, but more in how she really made me feel deep inside. I saw her sensuality, but also saw the good-hearted woman beneath it, adding to my confusion.
That one time I’d succumbed... I’d been unable to control myself, to hold back and my fears of sexual intercourse faded, replaced by the intense need to have her. I wanted her more than my fears.
As wonderful and spectacular as it’d been though, I’d felt dirty and degraded immediately after. It was crazy. I was drawn to her, excited by her and yet felt dirty for having touched her.
Shit. Was I going crazy?
I wanted her. I wanted more and more of her.
I turned to look out my bedroom window, trying to make sense of it all. Since the very beginning of the semester, I’d been on a merry-go-round of emotions, and it was wearing me out.
Then there was the issue with Mac. What a shock that had been. Learning that he and Layla were hooking up was upsetting enough, but to learn that he had already impregnated two women from school and his own restaurant, added to my anger.
He’d had an affair with a young student, getting her pregnant, then dropping her. Then he’d seduced an employee at one of his restaurants and had had her fired the moment he’d learned she was pregnant. He was a heartless ass who used women for his own sexual pleasure...women who looked up to him for guidance. He was a harasser, and though the women gave him consent, his treatment of them was heartless. And I didn’t know about his past until that day Dad showed up with the letter.
Mac’s relationship with Layla had come on so quickly. I couldn’t help but think that he was an active predator, deliberately going out on the hunt for young, feminine blood.
The thought made my blood boil. I didn’t want her to become another victim of his. I didn’t want her hurt. I couldn’t stand it. I’d rather drive her out of the school than have her ruined by Mac.
I looked at the armchair where Layla had been sleeping as I’d awakened. I’d been initially surprised to see her there, but the more I thought about it, the more I realized it was no surprise at all.
Despite having all the sexual powers a girl could have, she was a sweet and kind hearted soul who tried to bring good to everyone around her.
And I had essentially pissed on her.
Damn.
And despite how dreadful I’d been towards her, she still came to sit at my bedside and took care of me.
What a woman. She was extraordinary.
No wonder I was falling in love with her.
Chapter 23
