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“Why would I? I don’t know what you mean.” Still with that confusion. “Maybe you thought because I had a crush on you, I saw you as someone who isn’t real, or someone with problems or a past. Like a Barbie doll.”
One of his hands was stroking circles on her upper arm. It was simultaneously soothing and arousing.
“Well, technically Barbie has whatever problems you give her. But you didn’t know me when you had your crush. Maybe you thought I was a perfect virginal angel.”
“I didn’t think that. I wouldn’t even want that. Unless you were actually that, then I guess I would.”
Now it was her turn to be confused. “What?”
“I had a crush on you because…fuck, I don’t know why. Because you’re you. Because you’re so beautiful and kind and your heart shines through every time you smile. I don’t care how many people you’ve had sex with. I just care about you. I’m sorry you were unhappy as a teenager. I was too.”
Her heart was fluttering madly from his words. “You were?”
“Yeah, all the way up until we came here, I was a mess. I was kind of a bad kid. I got into lots of fights. I got arrested once for knocking out my stepfather. I’m sure I would have ended up in jail if Thomas hadn’t brought us here. I probably would have sold drugs on a street corner or something. Stuff that actually hurts people. But you…you have nothing to be ashamed of.”
“I’m not ashamed. You will never hear me slut-shame anyone. I believe we all have the right to engage sexually how we want to, so long as everyone consents. But…” She swallowed hard, thinking back to the angry mood that had driven her out of her own house that night. “That’s not what I was taught. My mother lives in a world built on judgement, and that was how she raised me. Sometimes that judgy voice comes back and drives me crazy all over again. She also used to try to shame me into losing weight. You saw how perfectly fit she is.”
A breeze wafted through the window, and she shivered. He ran his hands up and down her body to warm her. It did more than that. It reminded her of how deftly he’d fondled her into that ecstatic orgasm.
“You know, the first time I saw a woman naked, I felt something I usually only feel when I’m in the wilderness. It’s a kind of awe that something so beautiful and miraculous exists.”
“That’s so poetic.” The petty side of her wondered who this beautiful and miraculous woman was. Obviously, Galen knew his way around the female body. Where had he gained that experience?
The other side of her was just glad that he had.
“Thank you, but I’m no poet. I’m not a word person. The point is, I don’t think you should feel any shame about anything to do with your body. No woman should. This one time, one of my clients started her cycle during a hiking trip. She was almost too embarrassed to ask me what she should do with her tampons. Why should anyone ever feel any shame about things your body just naturally does? It makes no sense to me.”
Trust Galen to get her smiling with his always down-to-earth perspective. “Even farts?”
“It’s just fucking gas being released by your digestive system. Would you rather it stay in there?”
She giggled, imagining Galen delivering this rant at one of her mother’s dinner parties. “What did you do with the tampons in the wilderness?”
“Buried them, same as we do with poops. It all decomposes, you just don’t want a wild animal to follow the scent and dig them up. If there’s a plastic applicator, we rinse those and carry them back to civilization. The plastic won’t degrade.”
She giggled into his warm chest and the soft cushion of hair that grew there. Even with a new haircut, Galen was still a pretty hirsute man. She liked it, the texture, the softness, the contrast with his hard muscles. With one hand, she reached up to feel his jaw. She could already feel the grain of his scruff growing back.
“Why are you laughing?”
“Just imagining you explaining how to deal with menstruation in the forest to my mother’s friends.”
She felt him smile. “Don’t worry, I’ve learned all the euphemisms. I can sound civilized if I need to.”
“You don’t need to with me. I like your bluntness. I know what I’m getting with you.”
“You’re getting one hundred percent genuine barbarian.” With that declaration, he flipped her over onto her back. “Remember that condom you mentioned before?”
“Sure do.” She arched under him, nipped his shoulder, and spread her legs so one of his thighs could come between hers. “Where did you say they were?”
“Right here.” He flipped over one pillow and showed her the wrapped condom. “I grabbed it while I was cleaning up.”
“Ooh, good thinking.”
“More like, wishful thinking.”
“I think there’s a good chance that wish will come true.” She reached her hand between his legs to touch his penis and found him half-aroused. She’d only gotten a brief chance to hold him before, and now she took her time, stroking the velvet skin as his flesh stiffened. So direct, just like Galen. Here I am, just as I am, it seemed to say.
Which was exactly what she’d just said to him, more or less. Here I am, just as I am. Not perfect. But happy to be here.
