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“Didn’t you date in high school?”
“A couple of times. More to make my mom happy than because I wanted to. I had a gay boyfriend.”
“What?” Cliff lifted his head, wishing he could see her face as she spoke of her past.
Jenna chuckled. “We were both in the gifted and talented program. My mother wanted me to date and get some experience with boys before I went to college. Brent hadn’t come out because he didn’t want to be bullied through high school.”
Cliff remembered pulling a couple of jocks off a guy who’d dared to wear a rainbow-colored T-shirt to high school in honor of gay-pride week. “Teens can be cruel,” he commented.
“Exactly,” Jenna agreed. “We were juniors, both being pressured by our parents to go to Junior-Senior Prom, neither wanting the hassle or the drama of finding a date. Our parents insisted we go as a rite of passage, a chance to make memories of our days in high school.”
Images of his own prom filled Cliff’s memories. He’d asked one of the cheerleaders. She’d turned him down and accepted an offer from a buff football player. He’d been in track and on the swim team, but that wasn’t as cool. After being rejected and his ego having taken a hit, he couldn’t bring himself to ask another cheerleader, only to be similarly refused. He’d asked the girl who’d always sat alone at lunch, reading a book. He could still picture her in her thick-framed glasses, jeans and a baggy T-shirt, startled that someone was addressing her. When he’d asked her to prom, she’d been so flustered she’d spilled her drink on her book. Despite the accident, she’d accepted his invitation.
For a night that he’d had such low expectations for, it had turned out to be one he’d remember with a grin for the rest of his life. When he’d gone to Alyssa’s house to pick her up, she’d transformed from the bookworm into a beautiful young woman in a black dress with crystal embellishments that sparkled when the light caught them. She’d traded her glasses for contacts and had her hair piled high, exposing a long, slender neck. The dress accentuated the curves hidden beneath the baggy shirts and blue jeans.
They’d had fun, dancing the night away. Though their relationship hadn’t grown into anything more intimate, they’d ended up being good friends and still kept in touch with at least a card at Christmas.
“My problem,” Jenna continued her story, “was that no one asked me to go to the prom. I had no desire to go alone, and I didn’t have a posse of girlfriends to go with me. Brent didn’t want to go with a girl and have her think he was interested. We stayed after school for the debate club and were the last ones out of the room. I asked him how I could get a guy to ask me to a prom I had no desire to attend just to make my mother happy. He laughed and said he wished he knew the answer to that and that he wanted to go, but not with a girl. I don’t think he meant to let it slip. I promised I wouldn’t out him. He was worried that if I knew he was gay, others would know as well. That’s when we made a pact to be a couple until we graduated high school and left the small town and small minds behind.”
Cliff grinned. “Brilliant.”
“We had a date for prom, he helped me find a dress and even taught me how to do a few dance moves so that I didn’t look like a complete loser on the dance floor. For the rest of our junior and senior years, we went out on dates, dutch, of course, and held hands in the hallways. No one bothered us or questioned the authenticity of our relationship. It helped that we were fairly invisible to the popular groups. Bottom line…we survived high school. Brent moved to Seattle, where he met and married a philosophy student. He’s happy, his parents weren’t surprised when he came out, saying they’d known since he was in grade school. Dating me had confused them, but they understood his reasons.”
“You didn’t meet anyone in college or on the job?” he asked.
A long silence stretched between them.
He didn’t say anything but found himself holding his breath. By her sudden silence, he suspected there had been someone and might still be.
Her tone lowering, she finally said, “Not so much in college. It wasn’t until I joined the FBI. At the academy, trainees don’t have time to eat or breathe. After I completed my training, I was assigned to an office in Virginia, where I met a guy who lived in the apartment next to mine. With training behind me, I had a little downtime and took up bicycling. He was an avid cycler. We struck up a conversation that lasted into the evening and dinner. We lived together for five years.”
“Still married to him?” Cliff asked, his chest tight.
She snorted. “We never married. And no. We’re not together anymore.”
“What happened?”
“Nothing,” she answered, her tone flat. “He never asked me to marry him. One day, he said it wasn’t working. The next day, he moved out, and I transferred to Bozeman.”
Cliff winced. “Ouch.”
“Him leaving wasn’t what hurt,” she said, her voice tight.
“What did?”
“Three months after he left, he married his secretary, and now, he has a kid on the way.”
“If it didn’t hurt when he left, why did it hurt when he married and had a kid?”
“I don’t know,” she said. “I guess because it hurt my pride. We lived together for five years. He never once hinted at marriage and children. As soon as he left me, he had both.”
He hadn’t known Jenna long, but something about her drew him to her and made him want to know her better and shield her from pain. Cliff wasn’t sure he wanted to know the answer, but he asked anyway, “Did you love him?”
“No,” she said softly. “I thought I did. But then, my parents didn’t set the best example. I’m not sure if I’d recognize love if it hit me in the face.”
“Do you miss him?” Cliff asked.
“No,” Jenna said. “For a while, I missed knowing there was someone to come home to. But I realized I could have that same feeling if I got a dog. So, I did.” She gave a short laugh. “Brutus is great company. He’s not mad when I’m late, is happy to see me every time I walk through the door and loves me unconditionally, just as I love him. Like when you were in the Navy, your job kept you away. My job isn’t forty hours a week. I’m on call 24/7. Relationships are work and require time and effort. I don’t have time to give the effort.”
