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I wasn’t there. I was behind, still kissing her, on Saturday morning, in her pained stare. I focused on trying to catch up on work and take care of some commissions, but I couldn’t manage to relax. And her absence kept feeling bigger and bigger, filling the nights I spent on the porch reading alone, or the mornings watching the dawn on my surfboard in silence, or the scent of paint that started to awaken as the days passed and I missed her more and more.
It frightened me. So much that I ignored it.
54
_________
Axel
For the first time in a long time, I got to my parents’ house early on Sunday. Actually, I was the first one there. My mother asked me as she was drying her hands on a rag in the kitchen, “Is everything okay? Did something happen?”
“Don’t be ridiculous!” I gave her a kiss.
“I’m not! Daniel, am I being ridiculous with your son?”
My father pretended he hadn’t heard her.
“For three years you’ve never made it on time on Sunday.”
“I must have read the clock wrong. What’s for lunch?”
“For you, peas. For everyone else, roast beef.”
I helped my father set the table while she followed us from the kitchen to the living room, telling the story of a customer at the café who’d been diagnosed with a tumor.
“They’ve given him three months to live,” she concluded.
“Fucking hell,” my father said.
“Daniel, the phrase is how sad,” my mother corrected him. “By the way, Galia broke her hip again; that woman has the worst luck.”
“Can we stop talking about death and disaster?” I asked.
She ignored me, walked over to the plate I’d just set on the table, arranged it properly (one more inch to the left), and wrinkled her nose.
“How long has it been since you’ve gone to the doctor, Axel?”
“I go as little as I can. I’m trying to set a record.”
My father pursed his lips, trying not to laugh.
“How can you joke about something like that? You know how many times your brother goes into town for a checkup?” She crossed her arms.
“No idea. Every time a mosquito bites him?”
“Every three months. You should learn from him.”
“If I follow his example, I’ll die from boredom.”
At that moment, the doorbell rang, and I felt something unknown in my chest. But it wasn’t her, it was Justin, Emily, and my nephews shouting and making noise like a herd of elephants. I mussed their hair before taking the plastic pistol Max held in his hand.
“Give it back!” he said.
“You’ll have to catch me first!”
I took off running. My mother shouted something like “Careful with the vase,” but neither of us was really listening when we took off down the hallway at top speed. Max cornered me and asked Connor to help him get the pistol back. I held it high and they tried to climb my body like monkeys to get it.
“Don’t tickle me, you little snot-noses!”
