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His brow was furrowed and his mouth contracted in a thin tense line. I guess when I saw that, I should have known what was going to happen. After he made his way through the people in front of him and reached me, I couldn’t avoid the first punch. Or the second one. My family started shouting all around, but all I could think of was the searing pain and what had caused it, because I knew a part of me deserved it, and because at least that way, I could give Oliver some satisfaction.
I stumbled with the third blow, but I managed not to fall. I heard Leah screaming at her brother, but neither of us took his eyes off the other, as if all the threads that had held us together since we were eight were breaking one by one. In my mouth was the metallic taste of blood. I spit on the ground. Oliver stepped toward me again. He didn’t seem even close to finished, but Justin grabbed him from behind before he could reach me. I think he must have realized I wasn’t going to defend myself.
“How the fuck…? How could you?”
I didn’t answer. What the hell was I going to answer? I was about to say, “It just happened,” but I knew that wouldn’t be enough. I saw it in his eyes. The hatred, the incomprehension, the disappointment.
“What’s going on here? Boys…” My mother’s voice was trembling and her eyes were open wide.
Connor started to cry, and Emily took him and his twin inside while I rubbed my sore jaw, trying not to look at my parents. “We need to talk…”
“I’m going to kill you, Axel!”
Justin held him tighter.
“Tonight. My house,” I continued, and I don’t know why the fuck I sounded so cold and calm, because inside, I was dying. I’d always been like that though. It had always been hard for me to show my emotions in tense situations. “In an hour. I’ll be waiting for you.”
“You’re a piece of shit,” he hissed.
If I’m honest, he wasn’t entirely wrong.
“Axel, just get the fuck out of here,” Justin said.
I decided that would be best and left, not looking at Leah, because if I did…if I did, I would know for sure how this was going to end. I could still hear Oliver shouting at his sister to get her things, ignoring my parents’ questions and Justin’s attempts to calm him down. In the car, I pounded the steering wheel, then turned the key and sped off.
The first thing I did when I got home was grab the bottle of rum. I took a few sips straight from the neck while walking toward the bathroom to look at myself in the mirror. I spit the last gulp into the sink because my mouth was still bleeding. I could put two and two together. I didn’t need to think about it long, knowing Oliver had gone to Cavvanbah that afternoon. Madison must have seen enough––much more than I had thought. I tried to calm myself down. I drank a little more, and a few minutes later, I heard the knock on the door. He almost beat it down. I opened up.
“Fucking son of a bitch…” Oliver came through like a hurricane.
He punched me again. I couldn’t dodge that one, but afterwards I wrapped my hands around his back and pushed him against the wall. There was so much tension between us, it was hard for me to breathe.
I spoke through clenched teeth. “I haven’t defended myself yet, but I promise you, you try to hit me again and I’ll hit back. Believe me, Oliver, that’s not what I want, but you’re backing me into a corner. So I’m begging you; fucking listen to me.”
I let him go and walked a few steps back.
His shoulders wriggled and he snorted like an animal, walking from one side of the living room to the other. He punched the wall closest to me, then ran his hands through his hair before finally raising his head and looking up at me for once.
“How could you, Axel? How the fuck.…?”
“I don’t know. I just…”
“You don’t know? What the fuck kind of response is that? Do you realize what you’ve done?”
“It just happened.” I had a stone in my throat, and it kept growing and growing, choking me. “I didn’t want to, but…I need her.” It came out like that, thoughtless. The least appropriate thing I could say.
“You need her? Sure. What about her needs?”
I didn’t answer. I wasn’t capable of telling him she needed me; I wasn’t sure if it was true.
“That doesn’t matter, does it?”
I wanted to knock that sardonic smile off his face. “Yeah, it matters. It’s the only thing that matters to me.”
Oliver punched the wall again, and I saw the skin peel away from his knuckles. When he scowled at me again, a muscle tensed in his jaw. “Do you not see? She’s a girl! She’s nineteen!”
“No. I don’t see her that way. And she’s an adult.”
“An adult? Oh, well that makes it all okay, doesn’t it? Tell me one thing then, Axel. When did you stop seeing her as a little sister? How long have you been waiting for this to happen?”
