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She looked away and nodded.
“I’ll be in my room,” she said.
“Fine. But I want to talk to you tonight.”
Leah opened her mouth to protest, but then she went into her room and closed the door. I took a deep breath, trying to calm down. I walked barefoot onto the back porch, sat on the cracked wooden steps, and lit a cigarette.
Damn right we needed to talk.
I took a last drag before going in again. I walked over to my desk and rummaged through the papers until I found a blank sheet. I grabbed a pen and wrote down all the questions that had occurred to me in those three weeks. I put the paper down close by and went on writing while I made dinner. I got the salad ready and knocked at her door. She didn’t object when I said we should have dinner outside.
The sky was covered in stars and I could smell the sea.
We ate in silence, almost without looking at each other. When we were done, I asked if she wanted tea, but she shook her head, so I went to the kitchen to put the plates in the sink. When I came back, Leah had her back turned, leaning on the railing and staring into the darkness.
“Sit down,” I told her.
She sighed loudly before turning around. “Is this necessary? I’m leaving the day after tomorrow.”
“And coming back a week later,” I replied.
“I won’t bother you.” She looked at me, pleading. She reminded me of a frightened animal. “I didn’t want to go; you’re the one who made me get in the water…”
“That’s beside the point. We’re going to spend a lot of time together this year, and I need to know things.” I took a sip of tea and glanced down at the sheet of paper in my hand covered in questions. “To start with, don’t you have any friends? You know what I mean, people to hang out with, like other girls your age.”
“Are you kidding?”
“No, absolutely not.”
Leah paused. I wasn’t in a hurry, so I got in the hammock and left my tea on the wooden railing while I lit a cigarette.
“I used to. I do. I think.”
“How come you never go out then?”
“Because I don’t want to, not anymore.”
“How long is it going to be that way?” I asked.
“I don’t know!” She was breathing fast.
“Fine…” I noticed the wrinkles in her forehead, the way her throat moved as she gulped. “That answers three of my questions.” I looked at the paper. “How’s school going?”
“Normal, I guess.”
“You guess or you know?”
“I know. Why do you care?”
“I never see you studying.”
“It’s not really any of your business.”
I tapped my chin a few times. Then I looked at her. As an equal. Not as if she were someone who needed my help and I was ready to give it to her. I saw fear in her eyes. Fear because she knew what I was going to say to her.
“I don’t want to have to remind you of this, but for a year, your brother’s been killing himself working for you, so you can go to college, so you can get ahead…”
I closed my mouth when she started sobbing.
