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Love. The word scalds my soul. “Well, I truly hope he woos you properly then. Is that all?”
Carleah crosses the room until she’s standing a few feet in front of me. A delicate, floral fragrance fills my lungs. “What the hell is your problem?”
“I have no problem,” I reply. “Aside from the fact that I have not slept properly in months and you’re currently keeping me from remedying that.”
She glares back at me. “You’re being an ass, you know that?”
“This is who I am when I’m not in love with you.” The lie tastes vile as it leaves my tongue, and the heartbroken expression that takes over Carleah’s face might as well be a dagger to my heart.
“What?”
“You heard what I said.”
“Not in love with me?” she repeats, tears filling her eyes. “Are you trying to convince me or you of that?”
“I’m trying to make you understand,” I reply cooly. “Because now that we’re here in Soreno, I see just what path it is you and I must take, and they do not align.”
“Fort, I know we had a disagreement—”
“Disagreement?” I force a laugh. “You refuse to let those who have trained their entire lives fight this war because it forces you on the sidelines. You are so damned prideful that fighting and dying is more important than sitting and living.”
“This is my fight,” she growls as a tear slips down from her cheek. She jabs a finger into my chest, and the contact has my heart pumping. “Mine. I am the Daughter of Ice. I am the one who wields the Blade of Ice, and you are being nothing more than an overbearing bastard intent to put me in a gilded cage of his own making.”
“A gilded cage?” I shake my head. “You’ve been in a gilded cage your entire fucking life, Carleah, and I have news for you—I am not the one who put you there.”
“Not originally, but you certainly are now.”
She’s not wrong. But I can’t allow her to march into a fight that will claim her life. Not again. Not after everything that happened to her family and the weight of the love I carry. So I let that affection sink deep inside like stones in a lake and level my gaze on her. “Aside from the past few months, you’ve known nothing but the life of a princess. You grew up being waited on hand and foot, the precious Carleah Rossingol, who never wanted for anything.”
“I wanted you,” she replies with a sob. “For as long as I’ve known what it means to want a man, it’s you I’ve craved.”
“I’m a way to pass the time,” I reply flatly despite the lump in my throat. “I was the one who was there, the forbidden fruit you longed to taste. And now we’ve both had our fill and need to move on.”
Carleah steps back as though I struck her. “You’ve had your fill of me then?”
“That’s what I said.” I want to drive a sword through my heart. No, that would be too easy. I deserve torment, lasting agony, endless suffering for the pain I cause Carleah now. But I will not watch her die.
If I convince her of this fact, of me not loving her, and she chooses to marry Patrick, he will force her to stay on the sidelines. There will be no permitting Carleah to fight, and therefore, she will survive.
And her survival is far more important than our shattered hearts.
“You’re lying to yourself, Fort, and I hope you realize that before it’s too late.” Carleah angrily wipes her tears away and rushes for the door. It shuts softly behind her, but it might as well have been a snare drum in my brain. I turn back toward the ale in my mug and down it, leaving the food untouched.
Someone knocks.
With a groan, I cross over and pull the door open. I’m expecting Carleah to be on the other side, ready to knock me on my ass, but what I find is Patrick. He’s dressed casually now, his crown gone, and he offers me a friendly smile.
“We need to discuss the plan to march to Navalis, and I’d love to show you what Bowman and I have been working on. If you’re interested?”
“I would be grateful for the distraction,” I reply honestly.
Patrick chuckles. “I still find it so unbelievable that you can speak. Somehow, it makes me even more sorry for the way I treated you. The fact that you never told Carleah’s family what I had done—”
“How do you know I didn’t?”
“Because they loved their daughter too much to let her marry someone who treated a member of their family in such a dishonorable way.”
“I wasn’t a member of their family.”
