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“But if it is,” I reply. “If I start acting strange, you must put a blade in my heart, Carleah. Because I cannot suffer a life where I’ve caused you any harm.”
Her gaze turns icy. “Listen to me right now, Fort. You are not him. And he is not you. And there is not a single thing you could ever do that would cause me to put a blade in your chest.”
“Carleah—”
“No.” She’s stern as she speaks, and when she pulls away, I feel the chill. “We’re not talking about this anymore. All it does is serve as a distraction from where we should really be focused.”
Even as the pit in my stomach grows, I stand and cross toward her. “Finding the dwarves.”
“Yes. If the caves are sealed, we need to find a way to open them. Or another way in. We did not come this far to fail.”
“Then we won’t.” Outside, a deafening howl fills the night. I cross toward the window, surprised to find that night has fallen completely in just the few minutes we’ve been in our room. The only lights I can see come from the guard tower. A single flickering flame that I imagine is repeated in the other three as well. Where there was only one guard this morning, I can see the shadows of at least three on the wall closest to us.
Another howl.
“That sounds horrible. Unnatural.”
“Because it is,” I tell her, my thoughts coming back to me. Does she realize just how unnatural I am, too? “I will never be human, Carleah.”
She turns to me, brows drawn together. “What?”
“I’m not fully human, and I never will be.”
“What does that matter?”
“Children. I’ve been injected twice. If I have children, they likely won’t be human either. Their blood will be tainted with what’s in me.”
Carleah tilts her head to the side as she studies me. “Fort, I don’t care about the giant blood.”
“You should.”
“No, I shouldn’t.”
I turn away from her, frustration weighing on me now. It’s just one more way I’m lacking. One more possibility that I will fail her. One more way that Patrick would have been a better fit. Hell, that anyone would have been a better fit.
“What is going on with you?” she asks.
“How do you not see that I am what they say I am? Carleah, I am from Nemoregno. I am a Tenebris soldier whether we want to admit it or not.”
“You are not a Tenebris soldier, Fort.”
I could continue arguing, especially after everything we’ve learned tonight. After hearing that twisted howl, how can I not feel as though I’m not tainted just as those beasts outside? As though every time I touch Carleah, I’m somehow tainting her too?
* * *
Sleep eludes me.
After eating a small meal of bread and fruit, Carleah and I laid back on this bed. She fell asleep some time ago, her head on my chest, an arm draped around me, while I remain awake, staring up at the ceiling. I tell myself it must be due to the noises outside the window.
The howls and other animals calling out.
But I know the truth is more sinister than that. It would be easier if Carleah would admit that I’m different. If she’d admit and accept, but her refusal to see anything negative when it comes to me is going to shift her future.
And knowing that is killing me.
The door opens softly, and Salma appears in the doorway. She nods to me then gestures for me to follow. Even as I don’t want to leave the warmth of Carleah, I slip free of her and follow our host to step just outside the door.
“I would like to show you something.”
