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"You're my best friend," he continues. "I don't want to ruin that."
I nod silently, hoping he'll let me see his face. But he doesn't.
"I promise you I'll never cross that line again. I won't ever hurt you again." His warm breath tickles my ear.
I'll never cross that line again.
My heart throbs in my chest. He doesn't feel the same way I do. He doesn't want to touch me again. Or kiss me again. Or...anything. He just wants friendship.
Friendship.
I can do that. I think. I want so much more. Infinitely more. But he doesn't feel the same way. He won't cross that line again. He won't hurt me again.
That's a promise he's already broken.
I can feel the hurt welling up in my chest. It's suffocating and burning, and I can barely breathe from the fumes. But I try anyway. Because I don't want to lose him.
He finally lets me steal a look up at him. His face looks pained. Like the time his dog got hit by a car. Or when he failed the Algebra 2 quiz because we played basketball instead of studying. Or the time Kyle, his brother, pantsed him in front of the entire cheerleading squad.
"Say something," he begs, his eyes pleading with me.
I know what he wants to hear. Needs to hear. I just can't say it. I can't tell him he didn't just change our relationship forever. He kissed me. Made me feel things I've never felt before. He made me see what I'm missing out on now.
I'm absolutely crushed he doesn't want me the same way I want him. But I also know I love him too much to hurt him. The way he just hurt me by admitting we don't have a romantic future.
So, I set aside the pain and let him off the hook.
"I'm still pissed you stole my first kiss," I exhale, keeping my arms wrapped around my midsection. "That was supposed to go to someone special. Someone who actually wanted to kiss me." He flinches at my words, tries to say something. I beat him to the punch, not wanting to hear whatever apology he has ready. "But I really need a ride to school tomorrow, so I guess I forgive you, you asswipe."
Matt smiles, but I notice it doesn't reach his eyes. It settles on his lips, almost like his body is trying to tell me he's sad and hurt, too.
"I love you, Jen. You know that, right?"
The words make my ears and throat and chest ache. "I know."
"I truly am sorry," he apologizes. "And you're right, I am an asswipe."
"I'll see you tomorrow morning?" I smile, hoping he can't see the tears swimming in my eyes.
He nods his head. "See you tomorrow, Jen."
I turn and head back to the house, the tears slipping from my eyes and freezing on my cheeks.
Matt Thompson.
Best friend. Boy who consumes my every thought. Every whim. Every need.
Except he can't.
Because he doesn't love me that way.
Chapter 3
"Jenny Marie Kearns! Turn off that alarm clock right now!"
I grab a pillow and clamp it down over my head, blocking out the sound of Mom yelling from downstairs. I'm not a morning person. I hate mornings. Birds singing. The sun shining through the slitted blinds in the window. Pancakes. Bacon. Coffee. Not my favorite things.
The smell of breakfast wafts through my open bedroom door and I try my best not to gag. This morning, I especially dislike the sounds and smells and sights of the day beginning.
