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Matt’s lips ghost mine, the pressure light and hesitant. It's obvious neither of us knows what we're doing, but my hands run through his hair as our mouths mash together. It's slow and messy. But I don't care. Matt's kissing me.
Then, suddenly, it's over much too soon.
"I can't do this," he shakes his head as he pulls away from me. His brown eyes are no longer filled with want and need and desire. Just guilt.
I'm really confused.
This isn't exactly how I imagined our real first kiss going.
Embarrassment swarms my body as my arms subconsciously wrap around my bare chest. "What?"
Matt leans over, grabs my bra off his floorboard, hands it over to me. When I rip it from his grasp, he turns his body away from me and towards the window. I feel the blood in my veins turn to ice.
I quickly put my bra on before reaching for my sweater. I struggle to get it over my head, willing the tears not to fall from my eyes.
"I don't want to..." Matt begins. "I just...it's..."
My arm finally pushes through the right sleeve, then the left. I glance over at Matt briefly. He's struggling to explain why he just felt me up, kissed me for the first time, and then rejected me.
Hurt, humiliation, horror replace the ice coursing through my veins.
"Just take me home, Matt," I snap before twisting in my seat and facing the window. I can't see out through the snow still clinging to the glass. I angrily try rolling it down, but the stupid window lock is on, and I mentally curse the moron who invented it.
"Jen, please look at me," he begs as his hand rests on my shoulder. I smack it off.
He touched me, really touched me, and then...
"Take me home, Matt. Now," I seethe, my face still looking at the snow-covered window.
"I'm sorry, Jen," he apologizes.
A single tear slips from my eye. I let it slide down my cheek, leaving behind a hollow feeling in my chest.
"I just can't lose you. You're my best friend. I think I made a mistake. Please, please don't hate me," he says quietly.
My heart feels like it might crumble into a hundred tiny pieces. I mean, how could he? This was all his idea. Now, it's my heart that's achy and heavy and throbbing in my chest.
I lay my hand across it, wonder why it hurts so much.
It's not fair that I was the one who exposed myself and got hurt. Not fair at all.
"I'll take you home, Jen," Matt gives in. "I just..."
My eyes betray me.
A tear falls.
Then another.
And another.
That's when I realize this would be so much easier if I wasn't in love with him.
Chapter 2
I rush through the front door, slam it shut behind me, lock the deadbolt with force.
My hand lifts to cover my mouth as the sobs I was holding in escape from somewhere deep inside my chest. A terribly sad and broken place I didn't even know existed.
