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The ache in my heart stings.
We've never been in this place before. The tension and hurt and confusion overriding the friendship we've spent seven years building. I want it to disappear. I want things to go back to the way they were. I want all those feelings I kept buried deep inside to still be locked away, safe from the light of day.
But they aren't.
"I always forget how high up we are," Matt breaks the silence.
I look down at my sneakers, ashamed of how I've treated him.
"I'm sorry," I whisper.
He doesn't say anything for a while. We let the words linger in the frigid air as we both stare out at the vast vegetation below, covered by a blanket of white.
"I didn't mean to hurt you," Matt finally says. "I know I keep saying that, but I really mean it."
I nod, still staring at the quiet, untouched landscape. "I know."
Matt turns his body so he's completely facing me. "I want to make this right. Tell me how to make it right. I miss you, Jen."
I miss you, Jen.
Those are the words that break down every barrier I've built between us. The walls come crashing down. Not entirely, but enough. Enough to make me want to forgive him. To want to move forward.
I tear my eyes from the valley and turn to face him. Even though I'm ready to move forward, I'm still willing to torture him a little bit longer. "We can start with a game of one-on-one. Right now."
He cocks an interested eyebrow. "Right now?"
"Yes," I reply. "If you win, I'll forgive you. But if you lose, I get to stay mad."
Matt pretends to mull it over before holding out his hand. I offer him mine in return and we shake on it.
"For the record," I shyly begin to confess, my hand still wrapped around his, "I didn't realize it was going to hurt this bad."
Matt's eyebrows furrow in confusion. "What was going to hurt so bad?"
I guide his hand to my chest, a safe distance from that area, let his palm rest over my heart. "Getting my heart broken by you." Before he can say anything, I smile up at him, lift a shoulder. "But I think I'll survive."
Matt pulls his hand out of my grasp, steps forward, and wraps his arms around me. He lays his cheek on top of my head as I bury my face in his shoulder.
I do my best to choke back a sob as I melt into his warm body, let a few sobering tears slip down my cheeks.
I don't know how long we stand there, probably much longer than we should, but I couldn't pull away from him even if I wanted to.
He holds me tight, and I let the closeness slowly start to heal the parts of me that didn't withstand too much damage from his unexpected rejection.
When Matt finally does release me, he takes a step back, cracks his knuckles and pretends to do the same to his neck.
"What are you doing?" I ask, shaking my head in confusion.
"I'm getting ready for the most important game of my life," he grins.
I feel the corners of my lips twist into a big smile. "Game on."
Chapter 9
Mom and I are tucked in a corner booth at Dee's Clean Eats, overlooking the cobblestoned square, the sky an ominous grey behind the snow-covered mountain.
Hordes of tourists are busy window-shopping, decked out in their North Face jackets, oversized sunglasses and fuzzy-topped beanies. Mounds of snow are piled in the center of the square, scraped with a metal shovel out of the walkways. Late-night storms keep blowing through the mountain, dumping unwanted buckets of snow all over our busy town. March and April are always our snowiest months. They're also the months we see the most foot traffic.
