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Think, Jenny, think!
Kyle forgave me when I kissed Matt. He's capable of forgiveness. I know he is.
"When Matt kissed me, you forgave me," I remind him. "Why?"
"Because you didn't do it to hurt me," he explains. "And you apologized. I need to know how to forgive someone who isn't sorry."
"I don't know if I have the answer to that," I gently tell him. "I haven't had to forgive someone who wasn't sorry."
"No one?" he asks, defeated.
Why is this so complicated? Why can't it be easy? Like when I was younger?
In fourth grade, I got into a huge fight with Fallon over who was allowed to like Parker Jones. He had this Zac Efron-vibe going for him, even snagged the lead role in the school play. He did this head flicking thing to remove the hair from his eyes all the time. Except the hair always fell right back into place, a shield over his amber-colored eyes. He was the epitome of cool in elementary school.
Fallon and I made a deal that we would never like the same boy ever again. We decided our friendship was too important to throw away over a boy. From that day forward, we made a pact. If either of us liked a boy, we had to tell the other right away, claiming him. For life.
We didn't fight over a boy—until the following year.
When Matt showed up.
The first time Fallon saw him, she almost yanked my arm out of its socket and dragged me over to the water fountain.
"I like that new kid," she told me on the first day of fifth grade.
"Who?" I had asked as I glanced around, the early morning sun shining so brightly on the playground I could barely make out faces.
"The one walking over to us!" she screeched.
That's when he came into view. His hazelnut eyes and his tousled brown hair. Even in fifth grade, he was easily the most handsome boy I'd ever seen.
"Matt?" I said incredulously, "But Fal, he's my—"
"Hey Jenny," ten year-old Matt greeted me.
"Hi Matt," I shyly replied.
Fallon elbowed me in my side, hard. "Aren't you going to introduce me, Jenny?"
"Uh," I stammered.
But Matt waved her off. "I was hoping we could walk to class together?"
"I'd like that," I smiled up at him through a fan of shy lashes.
We started heading in the direction of our classroom, Fallon fuming as she trailed behind us.
"Do you mind if I call you Jen?" Matt had asked.
"No," I gulped nervously.
"You look like Jen to me."
"Cool," I lamely replied.
I think that was the first time I had ever swooned.
I never apologized for stealing Matt. Never asked Fallon if it was alright. I broke our pact because I had met him first, had liked him first. I just hadn't said it out loud first. Eventually, I explained how much I liked him and had spent the past few weeks playing basketball with him. It didn't take long for Fallon to forgive me.
