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The ride home was even quieter as I stared out the window and wondered why Kyle had apologized. He had never done that before. He just looked so remorseful as the setting rays of golden sun glistened on his gorgeous face. It was unlike him. To be gentle with me. I liked this softer side of Kyle.
A few days later, I found a brand new Ninetales card on the desk in my room with a yellow sticky note attached to it that read I'm sorry. -K
When Mom took me to get a haircut that afternoon, I asked her if I could dye my hair blond and it's been that color ever since.
—
On particularly rough days, I like to go back to that day at the lake. Remember the sounds of lapping water and a hawk crying in the distance. It was simple and peaceful and relaxing. The opposite of what's happening right now.
We're sitting in the waiting room at the hospital, Kyle's pacing nervously in front of me. Matt is seated beside me, our hands looped lazily together. Audra is seated on the other side of Matt, her head resting on his shoulder as she sleeps. Mom and Dad and Randy are in the room with Diane. She's awake and talking. They've run a ton of tests and say something is wrong, they're just not sure what yet.
My eyes are itchy and puffy, my face feels tight from the endless tears that have dried on my cheeks. Everything just feels...heavy.
Kyle finally sinks into the chair beside me. He snakes his arm over my shoulders and pulls my face to his, kisses me. His foot jiggles restlessly as I reach up, run my fingers over his cheek, my other hand still tangled with Matt's.
"Talk to me," I say quietly.
He runs his hand through my hair and kisses me again. "I don't want to talk. I need..."
I can tell he doesn't know. He doesn't know what he needs right now. No one will tell us anything and it's getting late.
"Let me go talk to Mom and then I'm taking you home."
"I can't leave my mom here," he argues.
Matt shifts in his seat and leans forward, careful not to rouse Audra. "Dad's here. It's probably a good idea if we go home and get some rest so we can take over for him tomorrow. He'll probably want to go home to sleep."
Kyle shakes his head. "Fine."
I stand and head down the hallway. Mom's leaning against the wall outside Diane's room, silent tears falling as she stares up at the grungy ceiling.
"Dad went to get us coffee," Mom tells me as I stand against the wall beside her.
"We're going to head home and get some rest," I exhale as I rub my tired eyes.
"That's a good idea. The doctors say we'll have more answers in the morning."
"I love you, Mom." I wrap my arms around her neck and hug her as tight as I can.
"I love you, too, baby," she replies as she squeezes me.
I drive us home in Kyle's car, the silence deafening and thick and foreboding. Matt and Audra sit in the back seat, their faces stony and grim in the rearview mirror. Kyle's hand has a death grip on mine as he stares out the window, biting his nails. The whole car ride is awkward and unsettling.
When we get home, Matt and Audra head over to the Thompson's while Kyle and I stay in the car, neither of us talking.
"Can I stay with you tonight?" Kyle asks, breaking the silence.
My chest caves. "Of course you can."
He showers while I make hot chocolate. I'm not sure if he'll drink it, but I don't know what else to do. I need to keep my hands busy. Things were better at the hospital when I had something to do, being strong for everyone. But here, in the safe walls of my childhood home, I'm starting to shake and tremble and worry.
Kyle comes down the stairs shirtless, only wearing blue jeans. My heart rate spikes, and my hands start sweating. He's so handsome, so perfect. Even after seeing him naked and letting him explore every inch of my body, I haven't gotten used to his eyes or his hands on me.
I pass him a mug. "Come on, let's go to my room and try to get some rest."
He follows me up the stairs and into my bedroom, which is clean for once in my life. Thank God.
The moon is unusually bright and round tonight, filling the space with white rays of moonlight.
